Game 8: Miami

We will never not use that picture in a post about Miami.


Hit the jump…


Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week

They’re right, you know. The kids ain’t alright.


The Good Guys

Welp, that sucked.

Pitt lost to Akron this year. AKRON. Pitt is not a good football team. And we made them look like f*cking superstars.


It is absolutely infuriating. What is the point in this? Why run the route? Why throw the ball to that route? WHY ARE YOU MAKING US AGREE WITH JESSE PALMER?!?!

It would be one thing if we thought it was a player issue. If we simply didn’t have the athletes to compete with the football powerhouse known as the Pitt Panthers.

But that’s definitely not the case.

This team has no direction. There’s no leadership. There’s no discipline.

We tried drinking for every pre-snap penalty, but we realized there wasn’t enough beer in the town to handle that.

We are a rudderless ship in a sea of mediocrity known as the ACC Coastal.

In which currently sit sixth. Out of seven.


The Bad Guys

Enough with this negativity! We’re playing the suck-icanes!

We honestly don’t know shit about this team, except that we know we hate them with the fire of 1000 suns.

Their best win is against Duke at home, in front of what we imagine were dozens of fans.


The Game


Despite the fact that you can probably pick up tickets on the sidewalk before the game, we fully expect the place to be on fire.

The question is, will the Hokies be able to capitalize? Not getting a first down until almost half time isn’t going to help the home field advantage.

Get your alcohol ready folks, it’s going to be a long, frustrating game.


B-Dubs’ Factual Corner

Each week, B-Dubs performs some level of research (because someone around here has to) and provides analysis that has been described by sky-writing experts as, “Acceptable.”

Fact: Da U is back!!!!
Response: Just in time to get their asses kicked by the Hokies. Right?…Right.

Fact: We’ve won 4 of the last 5 against these scumbags.
Response: Miami holds the overall edge 18-13, but at least we’ve never brawled with another football team on the field.

Fact: Sun Life Stadium is 45 minutes away from the Miami campus.
Response: Why do colleges think this is a good idea? As with Pitt, students should be allowed to roll out of bed, get hammered, and walk a mere minutes to their stadium. See: LANE F*CKING STADIUM.

Random joke: What do you say to a University of Miami football player dressed in a three-piece suit?
Response: Will the defendant please rise?

Fact: This guy was arrested earlier this season.
Response: Apparently he had multiple fake IDs, reeked of booze, and had bloodshot eyes. Shocker. His mugshot is the epitome of the “I don’t give a shit” face.

Fact: The fans love Al Golden so much that they’ve setup a fundraising tab to give him a raise!
Response: Just kidding. Totally a buyout fundraiser.


Fact: Hokies are gonna win.
Response: It’s Thursday night and that’s all we need. GET IT DONE, HOKIES!!


Drinking Rule of the Game

In addition to our official drinking game rules, we’ll add a few game-specific rules each week. Next week (for real this time), we’ll be updating the official drinking rules to be more relevant to this season. Feel free to drop your suggestions in the comments, and make sure they will cause us to drink at least a dozen times a game.

Drink every time…

-A pre-snap penalty by the Hokies…. JUST KIDDING! Don’t do that. It’s considered suicide.

-A throw to a receiver running a route short of the first down marker on third or fourth down.

-Any reference to a Fuller that is not Kendall.


Name of the Week

Josh Bacon, K


Come on. That’s just too easy.


Hokie Motivator of the Week

Each week, the Carnegie Mellon Football Analyst submits his own Hokie..something. This week, he submitted this without a single word of commentary.

sucks to be U

He’s phoning it in worse than a UNC “student” athlete.


Zombie Kill of the Week

Almost every week, D_w submits a Zombie Kill of the Week. This week, he highlights one of the few bright spots from Thursday.

I’d explain the video, and the reason for the choice, but that would require reliving part of that dumpster fire of a game, and i refuse to do that.. Dadi Nicolas reminded us why we love hokie football, its all about Bud Foster getting fired up, and making his defense play hard and hits like this allow us to ignore the complete failures of the offense at least for a few moments.


Gratuitous Ghostbusters Quote of the Week

This year is all about exorcising some demons. So we’re going with Ghostbusters this season. If you don’t like it, you’re wrong.

Venkman: Hee hee hee! “Get her!” That was your whole plan, huh, “get her.” Very scientific.




No one gets a prize. Losing sucks.

Fix it this week:

DiP: Back to back loses will be the theme of the year….. 31 – 17 the U

D_w: Weather looks like it could be a cold night in blacksburg, and when we were there it meant put on a hoodie, drink enough to stay warm, go to the game and stay there until the clock hits 00:00 and you can’t feel anything… now i think the student population’s love for football is so weak that we see more open seats in the north end zone than in the south end zone.. with that said, its a tie game going into half and when the “lets talk about notre dame v fsu from last week” half time report ends they cut to clip of Tremonte running shirt less through the north end zone trying to get the students pumped. Hokies win 21 – 9

The Northerner: Well last Thursday didn’t work out so well, and I don’t know if this Thursday is going to be much better. Despite how jaded I am by this team, I still don’t think I’m at the point where I can pick against the Hokies. Therefore we win a close, disgustingly ugly game that we probably should lose with a score of, oh, let’s say 15-14. Yeah, we’re going to win on that FIFTH field goal. I agree with the sentiment that the Beamer era is winding down, and I wouldn’t be crying myself to sleep if that ultimately came to fruition in the next year or two.

New game prediction idea: how many pre-snap penalties will the Hokies get this game? I’m going with 8.

Wright: I’ll be there as well. Bitter about the movement around the O-line from a personal standpoint, but still can’t pick Miami for anything other than in a mugshot lineup. Hokies 20-16, though I hope the run game continues to struggle to prove a point that Brewer is the real problem, and that Wang shits his pants.

B-Dubs: OK so seriously, somehow, someway, we’re favored. We suck, yes, but Miami sucks more. And it’s Thursday night at home. I’ll be damned if we lose this game! Hokies show their swagger on defense and we punch Miami in the face – Hokies 17, Canes 6

Hokiesmash: The Hurricanes come to town, and when it rains it pours. You remember when you were young and your parents would tell you, “If you keep making that face it’ll get stuck like that?” Yeah – well, Frank Beamer is about to have his derp face permanently painted on his face. The Beamer era begins winding down with another Thursday night loss at home. 24-17 Miami.

Maniak: F*ck it. I’m going to this shitshow. The pure presence of Maniak will power us to a win. 24-23

Token Girl: Power hour was the only guaranteed “win” on Thursdays. So true McBrien. Wishful thinking back to the old days, I’m going to go with 23-20, VT.

G-WayI hate to say it, but the Beamer era seems to be coming to a sad, sad end. But our boys step it up against Miami, and provide false hope the rest of our games won’t go down to the wire. Hokies 34-Da U 19

McB: Tech is going to pull out a win 24-21. Thursday night in Blacksburg was always good for 2 things: Power Hour at CGally’s and winning football games.

CMU Football Analyst: Don’t middle school and JV teams usually play on Thursdays? Anyways, Hokies come out on top with a late field goal, 30-27.

C Gally: Bunch of negative Nelly’s in here!! Miami sucks too, you guys. Hokies somehow take this one after 60 infuriating minutes, 24-21.


Hokie Hero

Pulling out all the stops.