Maaaaan… F*ck UVA.
More, after the jump.
Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week
At this point, it’s just tradition.
The Good Guys
We wanted to go on a big rant here, but we got drunk and it’s Thanksgiving. No reason for bad vibes.
We’ll save that for after the season.
The Bad Guys
B-Dubs’ Factual Corner
Each week, B-Dubs performs some level of research (because someone around here has to) and provides analysis that has been described by sky-writing experts as, “Acceptable.”
Fact: It sucks to be U…VA.
Response: Not like, “Man, I have a cold during Thanksgiving,” sucks…No, more like, “My wife of ten years gave me a venereal disease,” sucks.
Fact: Bowties. Suspenders. Slacks. Blazers. Zima. Wine. Cheese.
Response: Things UVA considers part of football culture!!
Fact: Mike London used to be a cop.
Response: And he cries after winning football games.
Fact: This game is going to be awful.
Response: Might be the least watched night game in the history of college football.
Fact: The over/under is 40.5
Response: How…is this possible?? Where does Vegas think the points will come from?
Fact: Brewer is starting. Again.
Response: It clearly makes too much sense to start Motley. It would give us too much of a chance to win. And we don’t like winning.
Response: This is really what the move was about. Sexy sexy!!
Fact: UVA sucks.
Response: Go Hokies!!
Drinking Rule of the Game
In addition to our official drinking game rules, we’ll add a few game-specific rules each week.
“Is 17-16 the saddest score of all time? The crystal ball says… Ask again later.”
We actually asked that last week about the Duke score!! Holy shit, we freaking NAILED that one!
As a reward, we’re going to get stupid drunk before this 8 pm game.
We also asked for a bowl game prediction. They are… sad.
DiP: 13-9 hokies….care level all time low
D_w: Loeffler manages to play Motley for 75% of the second half snaps.. which gives the offense the boost it needs to beat UVA.. Hokies Win 34 – 27. The win gets them into the Military Bowl in Annapolis, though they should end up in the “Depends Adult Diaper Bowl”
The Northerner: Hokies win 12 – 9 to save Frank’s job for one more year (and incidentally end Mike London’s) and we go to the Blockbuster Irrelevant Bowl. Or the bitcoin St. Petersburg Bowl. I don’t really care.
Wright: Hokies 23-21. Quick Lane Bowl in shitty Detroit.
McB: VPI 10, UVA 7 We will win. Because we have to. I predict Duck Commander Independence Bowl or something with a similar awful title.
B-Dubs: Hokies win 3-2, after giving up an opening play safety, we win by kicking a field goal as time expires that sends us to the Military Bowl in DC!
Hokie Ambassador to Lebanon: The defense scores all of our points, and Tech wins 9-3 mostly because I can’t bring myself to pick UVA to win anything. The NCAA creates a bowl in Fargo, North Dakota just so they can send us there… it’s what we deserve.
Maniak: Hokies steamroll first half then give us heart attacks before pulling away … 35-22. And Military Bowl.
Token Girl: Sticking with Duck Commander Bowl from last week, because, the people watching….Hokies 13 BooVA 7.
G Way: Channeling the spirit of the turkey, the Hokies post their 12th consecutive shutout, winning 56-0. Coleman breaks the single game rushing record with 700 yards rushing, and we gain the number one seed in the playoffs. Or we go to double overtime, but win this week 6-3 and go to the Bitcoin Bowl.
C Gally: VT wins, 27 – 10 because it’s UVA and that’s what we do. This week, huge NCAA sanctions get levied upon everyone else in the ACC and we wind up in the ACC Championship against FSU. We win going away, and wind up in the Orange Bowl. Mark it down.
LET’S GO HOKIES!!!