lYylNp6

Game 9: Boston College

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Last Saturday was so embarrassing, even we’re saying it’s time for Beamer to hang ’em up.

More angry thoughts inside…

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Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week

Come on Beamer. DO ANYTHING!! We are finally giving up on you…

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Last Week – Duke

Watch this Lise, you can actually pinpoint the minute the NEZ staff stopped supporting Beamer as head coach.

 

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Well, it wasn’t exactly a minute. It was one minute and four seconds.

Virginia Tech had the ball in a tie ball game with one timeout and 1:04 on the clock.

Virginia Tech got off 3 plays before attempting a 67 (!!!!) yard field goal.

Yes, the clock should have been stopped by the play out of bounds.

But it wasn’t, and apparently NO ONE on our team noticed.

This of course was after we took 25 seconds off between a RUNNING PLAY.

And after all of this, we were still team Beamer. We thought “ok, mistakes were made. We only managed 3 plays and wasted a timeout in a minute of game clock, but maybe a Hail Mary will work out for us.”

……..They line up in a field goal formation.

……..There’s no f*cking way they actually kick this right? Beamer definitely saw Auburn Alabama a few years back and THERE’S NO F*CKING WAY THEY KICK THIS!!!

…they f*cking kicked it.

I sit here on Thursday, still in utter disbelief that Beamer actually tried to kick a 67 YARD FIELD GOAL with the game TIED!!!

Was he trying to lose? Did he think that maybe, if Duke won on a kick six that would be the only way they’d put us on SportsCenter?

WHY IN THE F*CKING HELL WOULD YOU ACTUALLY KICK THE F*CKING BALL?!?!?!?!

And it was in that moment that Beamer lost us.

We’re no longer confident that Frank understands basic football strategy. And that’s a problem for a football program asking 80,000 people to travel to southwestern Virginia every other Saturday in the fall.

It’s time.

Eventually, we are going to have to move on from Beamer. He’s not going to coach forever. It’s time to rip off the bandaid.

It’s time to move on, because right now we are moving backwards.

 

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The Good Guys

Am I taking crazy pills? Why in the f*ck are we not running McMillian every other play?

He had 5 rushes in the first half. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.

McMillian is averaging 6 yards a carry on the season, and had 5 yards a carry in the Duke game alone.

If I’m missing something, someone please let me know.

But I have a suspicion that it’s just poor game planning. Which shouldn’t surprise anyone.

Also, someone please let Stroman know he’s allowed to either (a) fair catch a punt or (b) just fall forward for a gain of 1 instead of a loss of 5.

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The Bad Guys

We are so glad that Boston College joined us in the ACC so we can continue to kick their ass.

If you’re ever feeling down about our football program, look no further than Boston College to feel much, much better about where we are.

They have like, 20 fans. They haven’t won dick. They’re most remembered for Doug Flutie and beating Notre Dame those two times that you can barely remember in the 90’s.

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The Series

F*ck Matt Ryan

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The Game 

If there is anything that can get us out of this depression funk, it is beating up on some Boston douchebags.

And a 12:30 game on the ACC Network in front of dozens of fans? What more could you ask??

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B-Dubs’ Factual Corner

Each week, B-Dubs performs some level of research (because someone around here has to) and provides analysis that has been described by sky-writing experts as, “Acceptable.”

Preamble: Please note that the following is nothing but ranting. Facts about BC may be included at the discretion of BDubs.

What. The. F*ck. Seriously. What kind of baffling clock management strategy were Beamer and co. implementing on that last drive of the game? Were we TRYING to go to OT? Was Frank already in typical Frank-speak with “They’re a heck of a football team. Give Duke a lot of credit. They’re just a solid team” thinking it was fine to go to OT in that game? Did he or ANY of the coaching staff realize that after Phillips went out of bounds that the clock only stopped so the ball could be reset?! DID THEY F*CKING UNDERSTAND THAT THEY STILL HAD ONE F*CKING TIMEOUT LEFT THAT SHOULD’VE BEEN USED TO STOP THE CLOCK AND BERATE THE REFS FOR GETTING THAT CALL WRONG?!?!?!

Again, it’s already been said in this post that we completely f*cked that game up. How is it that a COMMENTATOR for ESPNU (yes, ESPNU!!!!!!!!!) can say “the Duke quarterback has run a draw on every single first down” and Bud can’t stop it? Has it REALLY COME to that?

How come Bud praises Motuapuaka time and time again but he just effing sucks? Seriously. He either over-pursues play or gets bowled over. I don’t care if the QB is a big guy, you’re a f*cking linebacker.

Why are we the ONLY team in football that doesn’t have our DBs turn around to look for the football? Clearly what we’re doing isn’t working. Our great and humble editor said it best (and it really puts it all in perspective) that “Ed McCaffrey’s son going to Duke is the whitest thing ever.” He put up 94 yards and 2 TDs against us. HOW?! 

Why would we EVER take McMillan out of the game? Why would we EVER taken Brewer out of the game?

WHY WOULD YOU EVER TRY A 67 YARD FIELD GOAL AT THE END OF A HALF? Seriously. Did Beamer watch the game where Auburn ran a missed FG like that back against Alabama? 

Beamer has now said “Whatever is best for Virginia Tech is what I’m into.” Well you know what, Frank? You know EXACTLY what’s best. The longer you wait the worse it gets. Al Golden? Fired. Steve Spurrier? Retired. Which route do you want to go? 

Legit Facts

OK now that I feel slightly better, let’s move onto BC. Here’s what you should know about them: 

1) Matt Ryan. F*ck you and your game heroics.

2) They always seem to give us trouble. No idea why. They just do.

3) They have guys on their team named John Johnston, Connor Strachan, Colton Lichtenburg and EJ Fottenberry. 

4) Doug Flutie’s nephew plays on the team. His position? SURPRISE. Quarterback! 

5) They lost to Wake 3-0. I can’t even imagine what it’d be like to be shutout in regulation to Wake. Oh wait…

OK that’s it. No more. I’d go back to ranting but CGally caps my word count at 550 and fines me one beer per word over the limit. [Ed. Note: I pay absolutely no attention to anything B-Dubs writes.]

Can we win? Sure. Will we? No effing clue. One common theme is that I, like everyone else, am f*cking over it and just don’t care.

GO HOKIES!

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Drinking Rules of the Game

Drink any time…

-Any Flutie reference (seriously that guy ruined the 90’s)

-You find yourself legit wondering if McMillian is hurt

-Stroman doesn’t fair catch a ball that any high school returner would know to fair catch

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CMU Football Analyst Something or other

Each week, the CMU Football Analyst sends us… something. This week:

the departed-Frank

I guess the CMU Football Analyst has joined the “time to go” train.

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Frank Costanza Retirement Rant

Since your humble editor is retiring at the end of this season, I’ll be using this section for random rants. Think of it as a weekly Hatefest. I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!

The bottom line scroll.

Does anyone else realize just how f*cking pointless the bottom line scroll is in 2015?

These networks know we have the internet now, right?

Right now I’m watching TCU dismantle WVU. It would be great if FS1 decided to put a crisp, clean picture on my big screen for me.

But no. They ahve to have this stupid f*cking bottom line scroll.

Know what they are showing right now? What’s so important to take up 6 inches of screen space?

The NFL schedule for Sunday.

They’re literally just scrolling the upcoming games this Sunday.

Guess what FS1 (and ESPN for that matter): I HAVE THE F*CKING INTERNET!!!

I can literally look up any bit of information you are including on the bottom line on about 7 difference devices in my house.

If I wanted to know who the Seahawks play this weekend (I don’t), I could find out in about 3 seconds.

GIVE ME BACK MY SCREEN!!!

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Predictions

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Once again no one wins. If Duke fans are happy, the world is worse off.

 

DiP: [Ed. Note: 6 weeks still going, and we’re still trying to find out when DiP will actually read this blog.  So, as always…. DiP, if you text me the following phrase, I will give you $5: “I’m a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.”]

The Northerner: Just in time for Halloween, another scary showing. Eek out a win (get it?), 24-21.

D_w: Visual representation of Beamer in the last minute of the 4th quarter

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21-18 Hokies win because former Hokie greats show up dressed as current hokie players for Halloween and play.

B-Dubs: Ugh. When’s the bye week? BC just just the worst so we’ll explode and win 38-28

CMU Football Analyst: No prediction. Retired to his nerdery with his calculator.

Maniak: I was at the Duke game … if Matuopoakakacaca plays …we are fucked. Win 7-6

Token Girl: The Northerner and I cannot even bring ourselves to spend money on tickets/go see this game about 45 minutes away. 27-21 Hokies

G Way: No prediction. Drunk.

Poppa Gally: Our only hope is for BC to turn their clocks Friday night and show up an hour late…. VT WINS 24 – 13

Wright: 24-20 Hokies. We delay the likelihood of no bowl game by another week.

C Gally: If we lose to Boston College we may just stop blogging on the spot. Here’s hoping that the Hokies come out pissed off and realize that in a close game, our coaching staff will find a way to f*ck us. Hokies make sure it’s a blow out, 31 – 3

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Hokie Hero

We’re out of ideas.

Our only thought is that since D_w stopped even trying to pretend he would provide a “Zombie Kill of the Week”, we’ve gotten off to the worst start ever in the history of football.

So we guess we’re not out of ideas.

We only have one…

zombieland_still_2

Time to nut up or shut up.

LET’S GO HOKIES!!!

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