Game 8: Duke

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One last go-round for our favorite picture of all time.

Let’s get to it.

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Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week

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Last Week – Miami

Was last week’s game: (A) poorly coached, or (B) THE WORST F*CKING COACHING WE’VE EVER SEEN IN OUR ENTIRE LIVES???

Holy shit that was bad.

Sooooooo f*cking bad.

Questions we found ourselves asking at one point or another:

  • Is anyone going to cover the skinny post? ANYONE?!?!
  • Is McMillian hurt or something? Why are we not running him every single snap?
  • BREWER WAS AVAILABLE THIS WHOLE TIME AND WE STUCK WITH MOTLEY THROWING THE BALL TO THE OTHER TEAM?!?!?!
  • Who needs another drink? *raises hand… is only one in the room, wonders why he asked the question out loud*

 

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The Good Guys

Last week was a failure at almost every level of the program.

Everything starts with recruiting. And apparently our recruiting SUCKS.

But it doesn’t completely suck, because we have guys like McMillian… WHO WE DON’T GIVE THE F*CKING BALL TO WHEN WE NEED TO. Which is all the time.

The play calling was absolutely baffling.

Not putting Brewer in earlier was even more baffling.

Literally every single thing Strohman did was absolutely the most baffle-est thing we’ve ever seen.

All signs point to this being the last year for Beamer. And that’s fine and all, but the next coach is going to have to rebuild this team from the ground up. We’re talking scorched earth kind of shit.

It could be a long few years…

 

especiallysincetheNEZwon’tbearoundtorant

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The Bad Guys

Hey look! Duke is ranked again!

Aren’t they just freaking adorable? They think they’re football!

We don’t know jack about this football team, but we do know enough about Duke itself.

Do you know why Duke students get so nuts (though not that nuts, they’re about as intimidating as a UVA home “crowd”) for college basketball? Because it’s literally the only excitement they’ve ever had in their pampered trust fund lives.

They’re a ranked football team, and their last home game drew 20,000 people.

Also, their mascot is literally the devil.

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The Series

Tech is 13-1 against Duke since 1982, and undefeated against Duke when they’re ranked… 1-0 all time… we beat them last year when they were ranked.

They’re ranked this year.

Game over right?

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The Game 

Right.

Honestly, there’s not freaking way we DON’T win this game.

We look like absolute shit against Miami.

Duke is ranked.

Everything looks like we won’t win this game.

Which is the EXACT reason we will. Because it makes NO sense.

….

Then we’ll lose to BC next week.

 

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B-Dubs’ Factual Corner

Each week, B-Dubs performs some level of research (because someone around here has to) and provides analysis that has been described by sky-writing experts as, “Acceptable.”

Let’s be honest. When Duke loses, America wins. Yes, that’s right, f*cking America. Especially a ranked Duke team. Whether it’s football or basketball, America dies a little inside when Duke wins.

This year Duke is ranked. Again. IN FOOTBALL. What. The. F*ck. Has it really come to this? To the point where in the last four years Duke has been ranked more than the Hokies in football?

Apparently David Cutcliffe is a good coach. He gets the most out of his players. It’s probably why they’re actually somewhat relevant in football and we’re not.

Let me just say this again. DUKE IS SOMEWHAT RELEVANT IN FOOTBALL AND VT IS NOT. If that’s not incentive enough for Beamer to retire then I don’t know what is.

Duke is still Duke. We don’t like em, and, in fact, we hate em.

We also don’t know anything about their football team except that they’re ranked and more relevant than us in football.

Let’s roll back time and beat these sissies like we used to. Somehow. Because f*ck Duke.

GO HOKIES!

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Drinking Rules of the Game

Drink any time…

-The game goes to commercial

-The game comes back from commercial

-Drink a lot

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CMU Football Analyst Something or other

Each week, the CMU Football Analyst sends us… something. This week:

Homecoming King Frank

Didn’t know Frank was in the Corps…

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Frank Costanza Retirement Rant

Since your humble editor is retiring at the end of this season, I’ll be using this section for random rants. Think of it as a weekly Hatefest. I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!

You know what sucks about being an adult?

Having nice things.

No, I don’t mean the great TVs or a nice comfy couch.

I mean nice things that don’t matter.

Most notably: kitchen stuff.

We have dishwear that can’t be cleaned in the DISHwasher!

IT’S A DISHWASHER!! That’s it’s only job!

But no, this stuff that is way too expensive is ALSO too delicate to be washed by a machine. WHAT THE HELL DID WE* BUY IT FOR THEN??

[*”we” may also include “wedding guests”]

Also I spent all day Sunday drinking beer and watching football. Being an adult isn’t all bad.

 

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Predictions

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Once again no one wins.

Unless you hate football.

Then you win.

Well, we guess Poppa Gally wins since his prediction included “We “Blow” in to Miami”.

 

DiP: [Ed. Note: DiP picked Tech to win again, but no one cares. We’re still trying to find out when he’ll actually read this blog.  So, as always…. DiP, if you text me the following phrase, I will give you $5: “I’m a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.”]

The Northerner: No matter the outcome, no one is going to be happy with this game. Hokies 31-27.

D_w: Hokies win.. 24-20

B-Dubs:

Duke Duke Duke!
You make me wanna puke!
Against you in football we once ruled,
Now we hope not to look so crude.
You’re ranked
While we’ve tanked.
But you’re still Duke and full of shit,
And the Hokies will make you their bitch.
Hokies win 24-21

CMU Football Analyst: 20-14 Hokies. The defense has been too inconsistent but only allows 1 TD in this one. Duke’s other score is a pick 6.

Maniak: I’ll be there. I don’t witness my third loss in Blacksburg in a row. We win big by at least two td’s.

Token Girl: Does Duck Fuke have the same impact as Muck Fiami? No?

G Way: I have no explanation. Somehow we win and score points. Defense? Offense? Paying off the refs? We all drink and hate life regardless. Hokies 31-24.

Wright: Somehow we win 23-20. Brewer does enough, 200 yards and 2 TDs, but no turnovers.

Poppa Gally: Their soooo cute…

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Hokies win by 14!! Beamer ball breaks thru with a blocked kick!! VT 28 – Little Devils 14

C Gally: Again, there is absolutely no way we lose this game. Everything is going against us, and it would make no sense for us to win. But real life doesn’t make sense, kids. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria! Hokies win 27 -10.

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Hokie Hero

We need to rediscover who we are as a football team.

Last year, we beat a ranked Duke team when things looked their bleakest.

Yes, we need to go back in time…

 

And since we all know what happened this week, we’re going with…

 

Bill-Ted-Excellent-Adventure

Ted “Theodore” Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esquire!!

What?

Did you think we were going with some other time travelling duo?

John Wick 2 with Keanu was announced this week!

Were you in a cave or something?

LET’S GO HOKIES!!!

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