Game 7: Miami

Friday night was exactly why we love Virginia Tech football.

It’s also why we hate Virginia Tech football.


Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week


Last Week – NC State

What a freaking game.

After the first quarter, everything was perfect. Just perfect.

This is why we love Virginia Tech football.

Those moments of crazy excitement like McMillian’s run, which incidentally gave us one of the best pictures of all time:


(obviously not THE best, but you know that’s coming…)

Those jump-off-your-couch moments where you can’t help but scream “F*CK YEAH!!”

(We assume everyone else swears incessantly during Hokie games just like us.)

But it’s also exactly what we hate about Virginia Tech football.

Friday night showed what this team can do when it even comes CLOSE to reaching full potential.

We know we have the talent to control the game on offense and absolutely suffocate the other team on defense.

We know with like a modicum of practice our special teams could be good enough not to completely f*ck us once a game.

But so rare are the times that the coaching staff is able to put it all together.

And that frustrates the hell out of us.




The Good Guys

Isaiah. F*cking. Ford.


Are we trademarking that? Of course not. We’re just claiming it first.

Probably our favorite part of last week was that Ford finished with 4 catches for 39 yards.

When 75% of your catches are touchdowns, no one is going to question your yardage.

And how about Motley toughing it out like a freaking champ!

We were half expecting to see linemen carrying his ass down the field Byron Leftwich style by the end.

Brewer is listed as probable again, but we’re much less anxious to get him back compared to last week.

IF Motley can reproduce Friday night’s performance (and that’s a BIG “if”), we say let Brewer heal up as much as possible.

We only have one loss in-conference folks!! We are f*cking in this thing!


The Bad Guys


Man, f*ck Miami.

These freaking jokes lost to Cincinnati this year.

Hey every old person associated with college football: MIAMI WILL NEVER BE GOOD AGAIN

They have no fans.

They have no money.

They have no “swagger” (vomit).

They are DONE. It’s over.

You had a great run, and I’m sure the dozens of fans really enjoyed it.

But college football isn’t better because Miami is good. No one with half a brain cell thinks that’s true.

College football is WORSE when Miami is good.

What does the game have to gain from the success of a team with 20,000 in average attendance? WHO CARES??

Wow, they wear the same laundry as a team that used to mean something. What tradition.

Seriously. F*ck Miami.


The Series




The Game 

The game is in Miami.

To prepare for the hostile environment, Frank Beamer has had the team practice in the Newman Library all week.



B-Dubs’ Factual Corner

Each week, B-Dubs performs some level of research (because someone around here has to) and provides analysis that has been described by sky-writing experts as, “Acceptable.”


Miami sucks. [Ed. Note: HE’S STEALING MY BIT!]

Let’s explore why.

1) Attendance. This is what their stadium looks like…against a GOOD team

unnamed (5)


2) Thug U. Because yeah…

unnamed (6)

3) These girls.

unnamed (7)

4) Al Golden. Because throw back!!

unnamed (8)

5) And of course…for the second time in this blog…




Drinking Rules of the Game

Drink any time…

-You see an empty seat…. or 1,000

-There’s any reference to the u. We refuse to capitalize that.

-A giraffe runs on the field…. What? You’re telling me you wouldn’t drink if you saw that happening?


CMU Football Analyst Something or other

Each week, the CMU Football Analyst sends us… something. This week:

Miami_Vice_Virginia Tech


Frank Costanza Retirement Rant

Since your humble editor is retiring at the end of this season, I’ll be using this section for random rants. Think of it as a weekly Hatefest. I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!

This week’s rant: Thursday Night NFL Football

Remember back when Thursday night was reserved for high profile college football games?

It was like Monday Night Football, but for college.

And it was GREAT!

Everyone watched it, and the atmosphere at each stadium was electric!

But then, the NFL swooped in and RUINED it.

They put on one crap-ass game between two teams on 3 days rest and absolutely ruined Thursday night for college football fans.

Now, aside from a few exceptions each year, Thursday night is filled with mediocre college football and downright awful NFL football.

Hell the best thing on as I write this might just be baseball.

Honest to God… BASEBALL!

What dark times we live in.




G Way wins last week’s game with his prediction that Tech would win via “magic”.

His prize?


Actual Magic!!

DiP: [Ed. Note: Two weeks in a row with DiP obviously not reading the very blog he contributes to. He actually picked Tech to win this week, but f*ck him anayways. As always…. DiP, if you text me the following phrase, I will give you $5: “I’m a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.”]

The Northerner: [No prediction. He’s off being angry and a ginger.]

D_w: Hokies win.. 24-20

unnamed (1)

B-Dubs: Frank pulls a Spurrier and retires after the game, but not before we eek out a win in Coral Gables. Hokies win 27-24

CMU Football Analyst: The offense matches the point total from the last game and wins 28-23 to a half empty stadium.

Maniak: there is a gun in goalpost like in Naked Gun … but we win anyway, 31-28. We give up 4 plays of 50 yards or more.

Token Girl: Frank takes a nap, wakes up for 3rd quarter, then leaves early to go to the beach. We win 21-17, with an appearance from Brewer and little to no input from Franky B.

G Way: Frank calls up David Blaine to keep the magic going this week. A miraculous late field goal wins it for the good guys 17-14.

Wright: In spirit of last night’s South Park, we go into their dump of a stadium and eek out a 23-21 win with a late field goal, sending the fans home on their teeny tiny bicicletas.

Poppa Gally: We “Blow” in to Miami and “Storm” out with a Win against the “Hurricanes”!! VT 24 – 10

C Gally: Rolling with our momentum from NC State, Tech rolls into Miami Gardens plays lights out. The Hurricanes wind up longing for the memory of the time they kind of kept it close against FSU to comfort them. Miami scores as many points as people in the upper deck, and Tech wins 24 – 3.


Hokie Hero

Every game against Miami is a big game.

Therefore, we need a big man.


Khal Drogo

Do you honestly think The Rock wants to go up against this guy?

No chance.

Also, his name is Dwayne.