Game 12: UVA

In Frank Beamer’s last regular season game, we need a win to become bowl eligible.



Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week

Our annual Thanksgiving tradition.

This movie has all the quality of a Mike London football program.


Last Week – UNC

Just an unbelievable atmosphere.

Unbelievable comeback.

Unbelievably bad call to end the game.

In what world is that possibly a catch?

While we realize that whining about the refs may seem like sour grapes, but this year has been absolutely absurd.

To watch calls affect the outcomes of game week in  and week out has been incredibly frustrating.

We don’t like to attribute to malice that which can be explained through incompetence.

But that is a whole lot of incompetence.


The Good Guys

Not gonna lie, we don’t really have much to say this weekend.

We’re fat, drunk, and happy after Thanksgiving.

All we can say is that we cannot WAIT to completely clean out the offensive coaching staff.

We want everyone gone. Scorched earth. Not even a hint of how things used to be.

Start fresh, because outside of the last 10 minutes of the game, that was an absolute joke.


The Bad Guys



As frustrated as we’ve been with Tech all year, we can always look to UVA and say “At least we’re not THAT bad.”


The Series

11 YEARS!!!



That is an absolutely absurd stat right there.

After watching Heath Miller absolutely destroy our defense, we never thought this kind of streak was possible.

But here we are.

And it’s amazing.

The craziest part?

During that streak, UVA only had 2 head coaches.

That means that, after Al Groh lost to Tech for the 5th year in a row, the UVA AD said “Yeah, this is the best direction for the program.”


The Game

90% Hokie fans? 95%?

Scott Stadium is a freaking library anyways. With Tech coming to town for Beamer’s last game, they might as well paint the end zone maroon and orange.

It’s a noon game, so you get to day drink all day on the couch, then night drink and laugh your ass off at UVA losing AGAIN.


B-Dubs’ Factual Corner

Each week, B-Dubs performs some level of research (because someone around here has to) and provides analysis that has been described by sky-writing experts as, “Acceptable.”


Let’s be honest. Nobody needs a reason to hate UVA. As Hokies, it’s coded in our DNA. We feed on this hate and will pass it on to our kids, our kid’s kids, and our kid’s kids kids. Something like that.

Okay, this isn’t a particularly complicated thesis: UVA sucks. I mean suuuuuuucks. Not like, “Man, I have a cold during Thanksgiving,” sucks…No, more like, “My wife of ten years gave me a venereal disease,” sucks.

If the head coaches in the rivalry were James Bonds, fat Frank Beamer would be Sean Connery (obviously the best) skinny Frank would be Daniel Craig (far and away second best). Mike London would be Pierce Brosnan — extremely overrated because expectations were so low coming after Al Groh/Timothy Dalton.

Let’s put this fun fact out there – by the time game time rolls around, we’ll have held the Commonwealth Cup for 4,017 consecutive days.

You better believe your orange-and-maroon tinted asses that this group of players doesn’t want to be the group of players to end this beautiful timer. Especially in Beamer’s final game against the boo hoos.

Virginia fans care more about Tech losing than UVA winning. They are quick to point out Tech’s losses in BCS games, lack of a national championship, and every other Hokie disappointment. They are even quicker to deflect the fact they haven’t sniffed a victory against Tech in 11 seasons. Saturday will make 12.



Drinking Rules of the Game

Drink any time…

-Someone mentions that Tech has beat UVA 11 YEARS IN A ROW

-The refs make a call that makes you question your own sanity

-You wonder why the hell we would run a bubble screen without, you know, A SCREEN OF SOME SORT


CMU Football Analyst Something or other

Each week, the CMU Football Analyst sends us… something. This week, it’s Beamer against the world:

the-last-stand_starring frank beamer


Frank Costanza Retirement Rant

Since your humble editor is retiring at the end of this season, I’ll be using this section for random rants. Think of it as a weekly Hatefest. I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!

I really hate that Thanksgiving is only once a year.

Four days of beer, turkey, football, and all around laziness.


Thanks a lot, Abraham Lincoln.




No one wins last week. F*ck UNC.


DiP: [Ed. Note: 10 (10!!) weeks still going, and we’re still trying to find out when DiP will actually read this blog.  So, as always…. DiP, if you text me the following phrase, I will give you $5: “I’m a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.”]

The Northerner: In what is likely NOT Beamer’s last game as head coach, the Hokies still finish off the season with a well-earned win. Last week was tough, but it showed that this team isn’t completely terrible. Seniors step up and sit UVA down. Beamer gets his bowl game, angelic choirs sing, and Whit Babcock takes a long, deep breath. VT 45 – UVA 13

D_w: Hokies win by 12.. 38 – 26. And we get to see all the wonderful sad UVA fan pictures that will flood the internet. Also, don’t forget, even horses hate their mascot


B-Dubs: Rooting for UVA sucks just as much as drinking too much crappy Burnett’s vodka. It’s gross, but you tell yourself that you can’t do any better. Nobody should like UVA and we’ll take care of business in our final game and become bowl eligible. Hokies win 38-0.

G Way: I went through the desert on a horse with no name. Then the horse spoke and said that Beamer’s time will end with a dominant win. Hokies rule in every facet of the game and take down the dbags of UVA 48-17.

CMU Football Analyst: Coach Beamer’s first win against UVA was in 1990. The Hokies repeat that exact same score and rout the Cavaliers 38-13.

Maniak: I cant even be creative anymore. Hokies win 24-21

Token Girl: It is the Fighting Gobblers holiday, and we will get revenge for all the turkeys who did not make it past Thursday. Also, we for real have to win it for Frank this time. Hokies 30, BooVA 21.

Poppa Gally: “ Women at VMI?….What’s next… MEN AT UVA?” VT 35 – WAHOOS 6…….

Wright: Brewer completes another crucial 4th quarter TD to put us up 24-17. Turnover soon after sets up a Slye FG to seal it, 27-17. We get bowl eligible and keep those swaying idiots from singing their stupid victory song. Beamer then rides off into the sunset…on their horse.

C Gally: Beamer rolls, and becomes the first head coach to get carried out of the Scott Stadium. Hokies win by 1000. 1003-3.


Hokie Hero

No messing around.

Gotta go with our #1.


Captain Steven Hiller

Win it for Beamer.