Who’s excited for some cheap shots at the knees??
Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week
Last Week – Boston College
No one actually watched this game or cares, right?
Last Week – Frank Beamer Announces Retirement
Truth be told, our take on Frank Beamer’s retirement is going to sound like everyone else: It sucks, but it was time.
It sucks that he had to go out on a bad year, but it’s not like he could stick around forever. And it’s not like next year is looking like a national contender.
Should he have retired earlier?
No. He gets to retire whenever he f*cking wants.
Sure, Beamer frustrated the hell out of us at times. He was loyal to a fault, and the program suffered for it.
But the only reason there was a program at all was because of Frank.
And be honest with yourself: would you have gone to Virginia Tech if Beamer had not built the football program into what it became?
Your answer is likely along the lines of “probably”, but deep down, you know it played a bigger part than you’d like to admit.
So what’s to say about Frank that hasn’t already been said? He’s the ultimate class act, and everyone knows it. The chances that your school comes across someone like Frank Beamer is so remote that we should be thanking the football gods after every loss that we even have this team to be frustrated with.
We don’t (especially here at the NEZ), but we SHOULD.
The one thing that will be missing from in the record books will how Beamer exemplified what it means to be a Hokie in the wake of the shooting in Spring 2007.
Frank was the face of the university that found itself in the midst of an unimaginable tragedy. When you sign up to be a football coach, no one imagines having to deal with something so horrific.
And Frank handled it better than anyone could possibly imagine.
He was a key part in bringing the community together to not only begin the healing process, but to let everyone know that it was ok to cheer. It was ok to be happy and still remember and honor those we lost.
To this day, attending the East Carolina game to open the 2007 season is one of the most powerful experiences in my life. There were a lot of cheers and a lot of tears.
But I knew that once the entire stadium boo’d the first bad call, everything was going to be ok.
I take Frank Beamer as my head coach 100 times out of 100.
Paterno. Bowden. Bryant.
We’ll take 29 years of Beamerball.
The Good Guys
Well boys, you’ve got 3 games. You have to win 2.
Get Frank to a bowl game. That is your only goal.
Classes. Girls. Regular bowel movements.
They all take a backseat to getting to a bowl game this season.
Also, good luck this year UVA. Frank is gonna beat you by a thousand.
The Bad Guys
LOOK AT THIS DOUCHEBAG!
Look at his stupid face!
Look at his stupid offense!
Look at his cheapshot, dive at the knees blocking scheme!
How can you not hate this guy?
Also, Gah-Tech lost to UVA. So you know they suck.
Since Paul “Dickbag” Johnson took over in 2008, the Hokies have taken 5 out of 7 from the Ramblin’ Dicks.
So they won last year?
This is a MUST WIN GAME.
UNC is going to stomp us.
Did you see what they did to Duke? Duke forfeited the rest of the season. Seriously, look it up.
Sure, we’ll stomp UVA into oblivion.
But we need this game to get to a bowl.
So get your beers ready. Call in sick Friday morning. AND LET’S F*CKING DO THIS.
B-Dubs’ Factual Corner
Is there ever a time you would cheer for North Korea over a college football team? If ever a time existed then this would probably be it.
At Georgia Tech, 100% of the student body has a drinking problem and only 65% of them graduate. The football team sits pretty at a 63% – so close!
Paul Johnson is just the worst. Nobody likes him.
And nobody f*cking likes the chop block.
Drinking Rules of the Game
Drink any time…
-Frank’s retirement is mentioned (PREPARE TO GET HAMMERTIMED!)
-A reference is made to how much studying Georgia Tech students have to do. Because they are the only ones at a good school in which you need to work hard to get a degree.
-You find yourself wondering if our defense game planned the triple option at all in the past 10 days
CMU Football Analyst Something or other
Maybe the CMU Football Analyst can help Frank deal with his boredom after retiring.
He can be a therapist for him.
He could be an analyst and a therapist.
Frank Costanza Retirement Rant
Since your humble editor is retiring at the end of this season, I’ll be using this section for random rants. Think of it as a weekly Hatefest. I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!
You know what sucks?
Copying and pasting everyone’s prediction into the blog.
I know the few readers we have just skip over that part. I know that.
But it’s the honeydew in fruit salad. No one likes it, but you need it because it takes up space.
No one responds in order. There are other emails talking about how stupid DiP is (though I do enjoy those). It’s just a big pain in my ass.
With a prediction of 24-13, the BC prediction winner is… POPPA GALLY!
It’s likely his second greatest life achievement, just behind raising such an amazing, charismatic and SUPER handsome son.
DiP: [Ed. Note: 7.5 weeks still going, and we’re still trying to find out when DiP will actually read this blog. So, as always…. DiP, if you text me the following phrase, I will give you $5: “I’m a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.”]
The Northerner: Hokies play like they have a purpose, which is actually true for the first time in awhile. 28-17 Hokies
D_w: Hokies win.. 34 – 21. Bucky Hodges throws a TD to Brewer on a play where McMillian lines up in the Wild-Turkey, yep, put it in the book, its happening. Beamer Ball shows back up under the lights in the form of a blocked punt, and Joey Slye leveling someone on a kick return.
[Ed. Note: Do we feel bad rehosting an image made by another Virginia Tech blog? No. They aren’t even going to notice. They don’t even know we exist, evidenced by the fact that they never return my texts asking if they want to hang out later.]
Drink each time you see a #Gameday4Frank signs or they mention the social media push for #Gameday4Frank.
B-Dubs: Nobody likes Paul Johnson. He’s a dick. Frank runs up the score on the bumblebees and Hokies win 325-0. Yeah that’s right.
G Way: No defense during this game. We’ll go to OT again and pull out a 45-42 victory.
CMU Football Analyst: I agree that the game will go into overtime but the final score will be 20-17, Hokies.
Maniak: fuck these guys. Let’s watch it at Hard Times in Clarendon … Hokies win 35-34
Token Girl: The thought of not making a bowl game, for the first time in over 20 years, gets everyone’s asses in gear. 30-24 Hokies
Poppa Gally: Ramblin VT will sting the yellow jackets….. 34 – 14 ………ONE BLOCKED KICK WILL REJUVENATE FRANK!!!!
Wright: This team will somehow find a way to play like the Hokies of old and be motivated to take Frank the Tank to one more bowl game. Bumblebees are really hit or miss. We get the shitty version and win 27-20 behind 3 Brewer TDs. Beamer takes a sledgehammer to their antique car in celebratory fashion.
C Gally: How do you shove a chop block up someone’s ass? Tune in Thursday night and you’ll find out. Hokies win 28-9
A trip down to Atlanta?
Who do we go with…
Burn it to the ground.
LET’S GO HOKIES!!!