This year, Virginia Tech decided to dress up as a ranked team!
Do we even need to warn you at this point?
Angry, drunken, curse-word-ridden ranting is ahead.
Also, a BC "preview."
Screw BC. I'm glad we'll win by 40.
Stuff. Jump. Do it…
Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week
Not really a pump-up song, but you need to watch this commercial the whole way through.
Chrysler probably wouldn't have gone bankrupt if this version had aired*.
*Just kidding. They were / are doomed. I definitely do not know due to personal experience. Definitely not…
Let's get one thing out of this way right now. This is not your grandfather's (or more realistically, your much older brother's) Duke team. The program has found a way to turn around decades of being the laughing stock of the ACC to become a legit middling ACC team. Just because they have the same laundry as prior terrible teams does not make them terrible.
HOW IN THE F*CK DO YOU LOSE TO DUKE AT HOME?!?!
10 points. 10 FREAKING POINTS!! We forced 4 turnovers and scored 10 points. We have to have set the record for Bad Offense to Awesome Defense ratio, right?
And the most absurd stat of any lose in the history of people competing against one another: Duke did not complete a pass in the second half and won.
In the words of Lewis Black, I'm going to repeat that, because it bears repeating.
DUKE DID NOT COMPLETE A PASS IN THE SECOND HALF AND WON!!!
How do you lose a football game forcing 4 turnover and keeping the opponent to under 200 TOTAL yards? AT HOME?!?! Just… HOW??
Oh, we all have theories.
No running game.
We haven't recruited a real quarterback in almost a decade.
Everything to do with Cody Journell.
Wouldn't it be weird if what EVERYONE had said about the offense and special teams over the past 6 years had been accurate?
That maybe having shitty coaches and not doing shit about it was maybe going to bite us in the ass?
And then, by the time Beamer is forced to make a change, it's just too damn late.
We really, REALLY hope that last part isn't accurate.
But 10 points. Against Duke. At home.
F*ck man. We don't even know what to think any more.
All that said… we can still win the Coastal. Which will probably happen.
The Good Guys
Defense is awesome.
Offense is putrid.
And f*ck you, Cody Journell.
There has got to be a better option.
There are 25,000 people at the school. Find someone that can kick and isn't a complete asshat douche nozzle.
The Bad Guys
We'll be honest: we don't know jack about Boston College. Other than we LOOOOVE beating them.
They played Clemson close (at least for a bit), and they looked WAY better against Florida State than Clemson did.
The crowd should play a major role in this game. Ever played a game in a completely empty stadium? It's super creepy and weird. It's going to be a major obstacle for the Hokies.
The key to us winning this game? Don't be completely inept on offense.
Yes, your humble editor is going to this game, and I am fully prepared to deal with a barrage of insufferable Red Sox fans.
The Northerner and I will be documenting every step from tailgate to post game tailgate. Or until we forget about it and start powerhour.
The latter seems much more likely.
Drinking Rule of the Game
In addition to our official drinking game rules, we'll add a few game-specific rules each week.
-Drink every time the SAWX are mentioned.
-Drink every time you see an half empty stadium.
-Drink twice for every reference to Matt Ryan.
B-Dub’s Factual Corner
Each week, B-Dubs performs some level of research (because someone around here has to) and provides analysis that has been described by sky-writing experts as, "Acceptable."
Response: They now have a banner on their campus for 1940 saying they were "National Champions." Apparently they were the only ones who got that memo because they were not voted the #1 team at the end of the season. Talk about your ultimate fail.
Fact: "The Flutie Era" anyone?
Response: This video pretty epic. But ESPN better not reference him more than 15 times or heads will roll.
Fact: We lead the all-time series 15-6. Which means we pretty much own them.
Response: That night that shall not be named was the worst thing ever. F*CK YOU MATT RYAN.
Fact: They've played in the ACC Championship twice. They've also played Virginia Tech twice.
Response: They've also lost to us twice. BOOM.
Fact: BC football was involved in a gambling scandal in 1996.
Response: Eventually 13 players were suspended for the final three games of that year. But can you blame them? It's BC football. If you aren't going to win then may as well make some money off it.
Fact: C Gally still owes me $5.
Response: He is such a dick and won't pay me.
Fact: I have NO clue about this year's BC team.
Response: We better win anyway. It's still BC.
Name of the Week
There's only one kind of steel we like…
Zombie Kill of the Week
Each week (or whenever he feels like getting off his lazy ass), d_w submits a Zombie Kill of the Week. And… Well he's angry. Which is to be expected.
Well that sucked.. How about we just not talk about the game anymore.. ok? Well normally we give zombie kill's for massive hits, this week we give a zombie kill for a massive game that should have put Duke into the ground for good, but we pissed it all away and blah blah blah i'm too depressed to go into it any further than that.. so Zombie Kill of the Game goes to…Kendall Fuller #11 for his ridiculous game, 3 INTs. It isn't unheard of to have a team get 3 INTs a game, but a single freshman DB getting 3 for the game.. Kendall managed to bring VT back to the top in the nation for INTs. Well done sir.
Elsewhere in College Football
This is a new weekly feature which allows us to rant about other stuff going on in the land of college football.
-We honestly have no idea what else happened last week. We were blinded with rage.
Hokie Photoshop of the Week
D_w does more than not make videos, he does some pretty solid photoshops*!
*By our standard, anyways.
Oh shit.. he has two!
A hearty well-done, sir.
Hokie Motivator of the Week
Each week, the Carnegie Mellon Football Analyst submits his own Hokie..something.
I love it because it makes absolutely no sense.
Gratuitous Hot Rod Quote of the Week
Yes, we are changing it up again this year. We've already rolled through the two most quotable movies in history, Tommy Boy and Dumb and Dumber. So now we're going with a personal favorite. If you haven't seen Hot Rod, go rent it now. Have no expectations, and drink at least a 6-pack before you start it.
Barry Pasternak: I've got a tattoo here that fully illustrates my point. It's of this rebellious young man, and he's urinating on an FM radio. And then this other stream of urine is going onto that television set. Implausible, I know, but I like to think that he had sex the night before, and a little bit of residue is blocking his urethra, allowing the urine to flow in two separate directions.
When you can't count on Father Karras, who can you count on?
No one. you can't count on anyone. You live and die alone.
With that depressing tidbit, we might as well find a replacement for Journell…
Replacement for Journell. HAHAHAHAHA
See you at the game.
LET'S GO HOKIES!!!