OMG THERE IS SO MUCH TO COVER!!
UVA lost. WVU lost. Everyone in the entire world lost last week!
Best. Bye Week. Ever.
Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week
We will definitely be doing more than shouting.
You could probably shout and beat UVA at this point.
What an awesome freaking bye week. Who knew not having to watch a middling offense for 3 hours could be so much fun?
(We kid, we kid. We would watch Bud Foster coach anything. Little league. Beer league. Even the WNBA!)
Watching the UVA meltdown was the best thing ever in the history of the world.
They were up 22-0!!!
At home!…. Wait, that doesn't really matter.
We understand not wanting to fire someone because their contract is too big. But how in the F*CK does Mike London have a contract that big? Easily one of the top 50,000 poor decisions made in Charlottesville in the past 4 years.
The other 49,999 relating to wardrobe choices.
Why is he holding 3 other belts??
It's just a shame that FSU and Clemson didn't both lose.
The Good Guys
Your 14TH RANKED VIRGINIA TECH HOKIES are bowl eligible, people!
Isn't it much nicer taking care of that before the very last game of the regular season?
This defense. Good God, y'all.
That Pitt game was a freaking suffocation.
I've never been so confident with a 10-3 lead at halftime.
Pitt had 210 yards FOR THE ENTIRE GAME.
Badass of the week goes to Who's Your Dadi Nicholas (DRINK!) and Derrick Hopkins.
There were also some decent Zombie Kills! It took 7 games, but they finally made an appearance!
As for this week's game? Well, is there any reason to expect anything different?
Also, we have an offense. Here's hoping we can perform in both halves this week.
The Bad Guys
Oh.. you wanted more info?
Well, apparently they aren't terrible. Sure, they've lost to Pitt and Georgia Tech (who are both terrible)
Guh another noon… WAIT. WHAAAAAT??? A 3:30 start?? At home?? Apparently we've decided that football is fun again!
The Hokies are favored by 13. We should win this game.
This shouldn't be anything new, but expect a lot of defense and mediocre offense. If we can string together two successful halves on the offensive side of the ball, this one could be in the bag early.
You know, since we're not so terrible that we give up 22-0 leads.
One last time… BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Drinking Rule of the Game
In addition to our official drinking game rules, we'll add a few game-specific rules each week.
-Drink every time basketball is mentioned.
-Drink every time you see an actual Duke fan.
-Drink twice is that Duke fan has a stupid mop-top haircut.
B-Dub’s Factual Corner
Each week, B-Dubs performs some level of research (because someone around here has to) and provides analysis that has been described by sky-writing experts as, "Acceptable."
Response: This is what a UVA fan said after losing to Duke.
Fact: "When your team blows a 22-0 lead at home to Duke, what hope is there to beat Georgia Tech, Clemson and Virginia Tech at home or North Carolina and Miami on the road?"
Response: This is another classic quote from a UVA fan.
Fact: It's MOTHER F*CKING DUKE. Regardless of how they improve every year, it's still Duke.
Response: Not much else needs to be said. We won't be saying things like that because well, let's face it, it's Duke.
Fact: Duke's had a total of 10 ACC Players of the Year in football.
Response: That's actually the most from any team in the ACC. WTF?!
Response: It wasn't until 1994 that they actually started to really suck. What in the world happened? And no, Coach K was already successful with bball way before that.
Fact: In 2008, a judge ruled in favor of Duke after they pulled out of a four-game contract with Louisville. Apparently Duke's lawyers had persuasively argued that any Division I team would be equivalent or better.
Name of the Week
Rather than pick just one, we're just going to list the preppiest, whitest names on the team.
Warning: There are multiple.
It's a good thing these guys got football scholarships. Trust funds are just just not worth what they used to be.
God, at last week's UVA-Duke game, there was more old money than a shipwreck.
Zombie Kill of the Week
Each week (or whenever he feels like getting off his lazy ass), d_w submits a Zombie Kill of the Week. And… HOLY SHIT HE HAS ONE FOR US!! OH HAPPY DAY!
The last time the Hokies played was on October 12… extended time off means extended zombie kill feature, well not really you get more options when the team gives us more options… So here we go! We’ve got four potential Zombie Kills this week, Brandon Facyson, Logan Thomas, Kyshoen Jarrett, and Bud Foster. Yep you read that right, Bud Foster is nominated this week for Zombie Kill. Let’s see how they all stacked up against each other..
In previous weeks Facyson and LT3 might have been able to take home the title but going up against Bud Foster, not a chance! Even this week Bud couldn’t bring home the title against Jarrett. This week’s Zombie Kill has to go to Kyshoen Jarrett who lays out a Panther WR who was thinking about nothing but the endzone, Kyshoen reminded him that he needs to keep his head on a swivel and watch out for the free safety in coverage over the top.
Elsewhere in College Football
This is a new weekly feature which allows us to rant about other stuff going on in the land of college football.
-The SEC sucks!!!
-We should have known it was going to be a crazy weekend when Louisville lost on Friday. Well, they were super overrated, so maybe not.
– #3, #6, #7, #9, #11, #15, #20, and #22 all lost. Insanity.
-And Baylor won 71-7. In conference. The Big 12 is terrible. Baylor is going to go undefeated and be jumped for the title game by a 2-loss SEC school. Maybe two of them.
Random Gif of the Week
By far, the best Kool-Aid related picture in the history of sports.
Hokie Motivator of the Week
Each week, the Carnegie Mellon Football Analyst submits his own Hokie..something.
Gratuitous Hot Rod Quote of the Week
Yes, we are changing it up again this year. We've already rolled through the two most quotable movies in history, Tommy Boy and Dumb and Dumber. So now we're going with a personal favorite. If you haven't seen Hot Rod, go rent it now. Have no expectations, and drink at least a 6-pack before you start it.
Frank: Never sneak up on a man who's been in a chemical fire.
We've gone with the same Hero every time we play Duke.
And every time, he's delivered.
12 in a row*.
*May include games prior ro our blog existing. Or any blogs existing.
We turn, of course, to the man that knows his shit around devils.
Father Karras from The Exorcist
THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU….
TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SOME TRUST FUND DOUCHEBAGS!
LET'S GO HOKIES!!!