HUH?!?! What the hell? Where I am?
What the hell happened last week? We just woke up.
Join us in our journey back to consciousness, after the jump.
Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week
With two more wins and a Duke loss we can make the ACC Championship Game?
A Pittsburgh Pirate won the NL MVP?
WHAT WORLD ARE WE LIVING IN?!?!
So, let's recap our feelings after the Miami game…
Yup. That about sums it up.
There must have been dozens of people disappointed in that stadium last Saturday.
And we feel bad for absolutely none of them.
The Good Guys
HOLY SHIT BALLS WHO WAS THAT TEAM??
We actually scored points off of turnovers. And WON! Who would have thought?
Sure, we gave up huge returns that resulted in crazy turnovers. But in a sloppy game like, that the key is to capitalize on your opportunities.
And we did.
Logan Thomas looked similar to the Tank Engine we used to love.
Now, one game does not make up for a season of absolute shit. But it was super fun to watch.
Also, Cody Journell was dismissed from the team this week, and the jokes were ripe for the picking.
-"But who will miss chip-shot field goals for us now?"
-"Who among us hasn't squandered our
second third ninth chance?"
-"Good. The only thing time he lived up to his position was when he was kicking in doors."
There are many other kicking related jokes to make.
And we welcome them all.
Screw that guy.
The Bad Guys
"Crab cakes and football, that's what Maryland does!"
You see, this line is so funny in the movie because Maryland doesn't do SHIT for football.
Sure, the Ravens won the Superbowl last year. But for the past decade, that's been about the only thing to write home about (if people from Baltimore were able to write).
Maryland beat WVU 37-0, which was awesome.
Then they lost four out of five, also awesome.
That one win in their past five games? Against UVA. TURBO AWESOME!
So to recap: Maryland only beats teams we hate more than Maryland. THANKS TERPS!
Another noon game. Huzzah.
So Weaver is stepping down. As for his replacement, all we ask is that he doesn't like noon games as much.
Whoever it is, we're pretty certain they can't possibly like noon game any more.
As for this game… well, prepare to be frustrated. But you knew that already.
Just have plenty of beer on hand and you'll be fine.
Speaking of beer….
Drinking Rule of the Game
In addition to our official drinking game rules, we'll add a few game-specific rules each week.
-Drink any time Cody Journell is mentioned (per d_w, he actually did contribute!).
-Drink for every reference to Ralph Friedgen.
-Drink for every stupid ass "Fear the Turtle" reference.
B-Dub’s Factual Corner
Each week, B-Dubs performs some level of research (because someone around here has to) and provides analysis that has been described by sky-writing experts as, "Acceptable."
Name(s) of the Week
Yannick Ngakoue and Yannik Cudjoe-Virgil
They have TWO players named Yannick. One of them forgot a "c".
Imagine growing up as a Yannick. Not having to worry about if, when someone called your name, they were actually talking to you.
Then you go to college AND THERE'S ANOTHER F*CKING YANNICK!
Must be hell.
Zombie Kill of the Week
Each week (or whenever he feels like getting off his lazy ass), d_w submits a Zombie Kill of the Week. And… he just flat out dropped the ball.
So your humble editor has to pick up his slack.
The Zombie Kill of the Week OBVIOUSLY goes to AJ Hughes.
We stole that from a much better Hokie blog.
Elsewhere in College Football
This is a new weekly feature which allows us to rant about other stuff going on in the land of college football.
-If Ohio State could go undefeated and stay outside of the National Championship game we would be SOOOOO happy.
-How can anyone possibly have Stanford ahead of Baylor? They might be better, but they lost to Utah. You can't do that.
-It doesn't matter because rankings mean nothing… OMFG WE'RE ALMOST RANKED AGAIN!!
Hokie Motivator of the Week
Each week, the Carnegie Mellon Football Analyst submits his own Hokie..something. But he's currently attending MAryland for grad school. Because they accept ANYONE.
We clearly have different definitions of "good". Which make sense, since you go to Maryland.
The Analyst also wanted to prove that he could do more than assault our eyes with Maryland's unis. Here's his write up:
You probably don’t care, so I’ll try to keep this short. The Edsall era at Maryland is in its third year. The first year for every coach is a wash. The second was still a rebuilding year, but there were signs of progress with a good recruiting class with standout players like WR Stephon Diggs and QB CJ Brown until the injury bug hit the team hard. Not one, not two, but three starting QB’s got season ending injuries! By the end of the year, the team was using a kid that was recruited to play middle linebacker at quarterback. Do you know what it’s like to have a QB that was supposed to be playing a different position? Oh yeah, you do. Well, it sucks. I can’t imagine dealing with that for more than one season.
This season started out great with 4 straight wins including shutting out WVU for the first time in years. Then we got served a big slice of humble pie losing 63-0 at Florida State. Granted, they are really freaking good, but to not even be able to compete is a disappointment.
We stand at 5-4, 1-4 in the ACC. Our two best wide receivers are out for the year. Here’s to another rebuilding year. Next year we move to the Big Ten. It’s been fun ACC, but now we get to play the likes of Iowa, Indiana, and Purdue. That’s some excited football! The fanbase still has confidence in Edsall. He brought UConn from Division I-AA to a respectable program in the Big East. Next year will be big. Maryland has got to make a statement in its first year in the Big Ten.
Fear the turtle! (I know, it’s lame, but in the words of the great Michelangelo: “I love being a turtle!”)
Well, that was certainly a lot of words.
Also, we never thought we'd see the phrase "respectable program in the Big East" being used as a serious argument for one's coaching ability.
Gratuitous Hot Rod Quote of the Week
Yes, we are changing it up again this year. We've already rolled through the two most quotable movies in history, Tommy Boy and Dumb and Dumber. So now we're going with a personal favorite. If you haven't seen Hot Rod, go rent it now. Have no expectations, and drink at least a 6-pack before you start it.
Barry Pasternak: Now I don't want to say that kiss was hot, but if the boner police are here, I want a lawyer!
When you need to get rid of turtles, where do you turn?
The same place we've turned for 23 years.
The smartest man in the history of sewer mutants.
This season can be resurected from the sewers.
We just need the right sensai.
YOU GOTTA BELIEVE!!!
LET'S GO HOKIES!!!