We Lost to DA U…


WE LOST TO F*CKING MIAMI. <Insert hundreds and thousands of expletives here>. How in the hell do you manage to do something like that?! If there could possibly be one team we hate more than UVA, it’s DA U. And guess what? DA U put us in our place. Putting up 12 points against one of the worst defenses in the country is how you win ball games. Well, it is in the eyes of our coaching staff. Today, rather than point out all the obvious mistakes that were made, we’re going to do something a little different. Hit the jump for more.


Today, we bring you an Ode to Frank Beamer.

Frank. You have done amazing things for this program. While most of us (except HokieUmp since he is like 100 years old now) weren’t around back when we were putrid, we respect what you did. You turned a bottom feeder team into a perennial top 15 team that played in a national title game and threatened to play in a couple more. You’ve won us conference championships and a few bowl games Thank you so much for doing that.

However, it’s time for you to move on. And please, for all things Hokie football, take the offensive staff with you on your way out.

I thought, perhaps, you could salvage your job by replacing this bonehead of an offensive staff, but it’s become a harsh realization that even replacing them shouldn’t save your job – you should have done this years ago. Loyalty is great, but as Cris Carter would say, “C’MON MAN!!!” It’s like dating a really hot woman with no brains: you want it to work, but no matter how much great sex you have and how good she looks in that bathing suit, in the end, she is still a f*cking idiot and you have to end it.

Oh, Frank. We love you, but it would be a tragedy to see you turn into Bobby Bowden or Joe Paterno. We don’t want you to waste away your legacy because you are too proud to make changes. You’ve been lucky this hasn’t happened sooner because you were surrounded by endless bounds of talent. Kevin Jones, Lee Suggs, Michael Vick, the other Vick, Ryan Williams, David Wilson, Tyrod Taylor, Danny Coale, Jarrett Boykin, and so many others. However, the talent is no longer here and our weaknesses are more exposed than Paris Hilton at a nightclub.

Frank, you da man. However, you are just insulting fans now. Whenever we lose, it’s the same damn thing. We’re always a mere four or five plays away from winning the game. It’s always the players fault. Please. Just stop it. How about you and the rest of your juggernauts on the offensive side of the ball grow a pair and admit that you have a huge problem? It’s flat out embarrassing and EVERYONE but you can see it now. Game commentators, journalists, and fans know we have a big problem. The first step is admitting we have one, but you can’t even do that. Please, just stop insulting us with this same coach speak over…and overrr…and OVER again!!!

Beams, you’ve done a heck of a job. However, last night was plain unacceptable; just like much of the season. Miami has one of the worst defenses in the country and you only put up 12 points. My flag football team could hang more than 12 on Miami. How come you only let JC Coleman carry the ball 5 times when he carved up Duke’s defense, which is better than Miami’s? Why is Michael Holmes even traveling with the team? Did Martin Scales even play?!

Oh Frank. We still love you. However, where in the world is BEAMERBALL??? Where are the blocked kicks? Where are the game changing turnovers? Where is that TENACITY?! You’ve lost it and it’s time to realize it. How come you can’t get an offensive staff that will compliment Bud’s defense? Time and time again his defense has come through for you. But do you repay the favor? No. You go three and out and force his defense on the field 30 seconds later.

Just keep walkin’, Frank. 


Frank…Frank…FRANK. We still love you. But it’s time you hang up the whistle. It’s time you recognize that you’ve lost a step and that we need fresh blood. If you truly care about the program then you will let it go. You have to be like R. Kelly and spread your wings and fly away. Just believe you can soar through that open door…and don’t let it hit you on the way out.

But again, we love you Frank. You’ve done amazing things for this program. You’ve brought Virginia Tech football into relevancy. However, if you stick around too long, you will take us back down to irrelevancy and that would be a tragedy. Not just for the fans, players, and other coaches, but for yourself. Nobody wants you to piss it all away because you couldn’t own up to your inability to make difficult changes, including the one to force yourself into retirement.

Go Hokies.