Russell Athletic Bowl – Rutgers

So we’ve finally reached the end.

The grand finale.

In August, every team dreamed of getting to 6-6 and playing Rutgers in a bowl game shortly after Christmas.

Our nightmare of a season is almost over.

But we get it end it by beating up on a bunch of Jersey douchebags, so hit the jump and join the fun…



Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week

One of these days, Beamer will grow a pair and make some long overdue changes.


The Bad Guys

Well, they are from Jersey, so we know they already suck.

Rutgers also has the most unoriginal logo in the history of everything.

A Times New Roman “R”?? Wow guys. As creative as the guy who wrote the Hot Pockets jingle.

Despite all that, Rutgers is definitely not terrible this year. They are 9-3, and finished way ahead of Pittsburgh. If you don’t recall, Pittsburgh manhandled us like we had Ben Roethlisberger playing QB*.

Rutgers is also 5th in the country in scoring defense(14.3 per game. LOOK WHO OPENED UP ESPN.COM!!), but we are fully confident in our genius offensive staff to come up with a great game plan…

*Side note, f*ck that guy. When your pro QB starts to remind you of Sean Glennon, shit just got terrible for you. I told Poppa Gally, “All I want is for Ben not to throw a game-losing interception.” Brought up bad memories of the game against Georgia. Football is stupid.


The Good Guys

Honestly, we don’t even know. So we are just going to go off again about this quote from Frank last year:

I always thought it was a reward for the players, and I think it is, because they've accomplished something good. But I've also realized here as it went along that alumni don't only want you to get here to a bowl game, they like it a lot better when they win. A lot of our alumni spent a lot of money to come here, and we're going to have a bunch down here, I promise you. They deserve to see a great effort by their football team.

GAWD, this quote is just so infuriating. He JUST realized that winning big games on the national stage is KIND OF a big deal to the fans. This explains so much about this team over the past decade.

This quote should be sent to every donor, every year, just to remind them that any hope they had of winning bowl games in the past was just wishful thinking.


The Game

If you’re making it to this game, then well done. It’s a great excuse to leave the blizzard-riddled north for sunny Florida. (We think it’s sunny. Look, we already researched stats about Rutgers. Opening two browsers? Nope.)

This game is going to be incredibly frustrating, and if we win, it’s going to be super close. If you’re looking for good football, this is probably not your place.

But hey, it’s the last game of the year. It starts at 5 pm on a Friday. No one’s watching, but you have a great opportunity to get drunk. Not that anyone reading the NEZ needs an excuse, but it;s always nice to ward off the nagging “we think you have a problem” friends.


B-Dub’s Factual Corner

B-Dubs got hammered and recently woke up in a ditch. Once he finds a charger for his cell phone, he will send us his write up.

Sour Patch Kids are a hell of a drug.


C Gally on the “Radio”

The D-i-P is apparently trying to get his old college-days radio show back on the air.

The D-i-P loves the radio, specifically because it requires no punctuation whatsoever. Also, he’s super ugly.

So anyways, join us Thursday night at 11 pm. It will be your humble editors first time on radio of any kind, so it’s sure to be fun. D-i-P has informed me that I can’t swear on air… This is going to be interesting.

Just click here:


BE BETTER! of the Week

This is a new feature that will likely show up each week. We’ve used this phrase plenty in conversations outside of the NEZ. Basically, telling someone to BE BETTER is calling them out on being lazy or ignorant at something they’re supposed to do.

This week… IT’S US!

Seriously, we’ve been slacking like crazy lately, and we know we have severely disappointed our tens of fans.

Hopefully, this phoned in preview will make up for it.

So… you’re welcome.


Hokie Basketball Update

A few week’s back, we lost to WVU. As a result, your humble editor’s wonderful fiance forced him to take this picture:

Oh, then we lost to Georgia Southern and Colorado State. Yeah, we aren’t good at basketball either.

Hey, at least hockey season is in full…. SHIT.

Sports are stupid.


Gratuitous Tommy Boy Quote of the Week

Tommy: God, you're gonna remember this the rest of your life. Can't believe you've never been cow tipping before. Get ready to live. Huh, huh, huh, ssshhhh. She's sleepin'. What you do is, you put your shoulder into her and you push.

Paul: And?

Tommy: They fall over, hee, hee, hee.

Paul: And this doesn't strike you as kinda' dumb?

Tommy: We're family, we're gonna be doing lots of dumb stuff together. Wait 'til Christmas.


Replacement Voldemort of the Week

Kicking the shit out of a bunch Red-wearing knobs?

We’ve been through this before.

We need a shot-caller for this one.

A general.

George Washington

Let’s take out these tax-happy Redcoats.