4-6. We are fighting for a right to play in a craptastic bowl game. You are probably assuming that we are done with this stuff.
But you would be severely underestimating our hatred for our remaining opponents.
Why do we still care?
Because f*ck Boston College.
Hit the jump…
Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week
Will heads roll? We know Frank’s won’t, but will he be man enough to make necessary changes?
We need execution, but not in the way Frank keeps saying.
So. Where do we start with the Florida State game…
Nowhere. We are over it. The mishandling of timeouts. The play calling in crucial moments. All of it. It’s just the same old shit every time.
Opportunity to make a big mark on the season? Opportunity squandered.
Also, f*ck Marcus Davis.
The Bad Guys
And with all that has gone down this season, why do we still care?
Good lord, do we hate this team. From stupid ass Matt Ryan to their lackluster fan base, the whole thing just stinks. Also, the fact anything sports related in the Boston area is as insufferable as The Northerner when he’s been drinking.
Oh, the Eagles are 2-8? Good. We wish they were negative 4 and 12.
Remember when these guys were almost in an Orange Bowl or two? Adorable.
Anyways, they suck now. So let’s win by 700.
The Good Guys
Defense = Good
Offense = Pedantic
Special teams = Joke
There. You are caught up.
Maniak sent us an email, wondering if we wanted to make a road trip to this game. I was able to respond until after the Clemson game.
By then, it was a resounding “F*ck. That.”
You see, people don’t like to spend money on things that are terrible. The shit show we put on the field nowadays? Terrible.
This isn’t a “support your school no matter what” kind of thing. This is simple economics. Let’s hope that the stadium expansion wasn’t a waste.
Anyways, this game is going to suck. It’s going to be way closer than you want it to be, but we are probably going to win in the end.
Because Boston College sucks slightly more than we do.
Also, The Northerner will actually be at this dogshit game, so look for the angry ginger wearing an RMFW shirt. He’ll be next to the woman rolling her eyes.
B-Dub’s Factual Corner
Again, I am running out of motivation to do this damn thing! Right as I think we’re going to pull off the upset against FSU, Frank calls the stupid QB read option play on third and two, we get stuffed, kick a field goal, and the rest is history. I’d make more inappropriate comments about the coaches, but let’s be honest, we all know how I (and the rest of NEZ) feels about the situation. Dammit.
Anyway, if we can’t beat Boston College then we have big problems. They are 2-8 on the season, suck something fierce, and have wins against schools that start with the letter “M” – first person to name them wins a shout out in my next post.
On offense they can’t run. They average 73 yards a game. However, it looks like they might be able to pass the ball since they average 285 a game. However, chalk that one up for being on the losing side most of their games and you can kinda figure that one out. Chase Rettig (QB) seems to be their best player on offense by far, so if our defense can keep doing what they’re doing, BC shouldn’t put up many points.
Defensively they are just really bad. They give up 470 yards a game, so we should (I repeat SHOULD) move the ball on them. Conventional wisdom says we should score a bunch, too, since they are allowing 30 points a game…yeahhhhhh about that. We’re just gonna ignore all their defensive liabilities and realize that we are still VT and have one of the most anemic and predictable offenses out there.
Anyway, I am so glad I am done typing up stats now. This game is going to be ugly and I hate ugly, but that’s what we do. UGLY. Like Janet Reno ugly. Yeah, she sucks. GO HOKIES!
Zombie Kill of the Week
Each week, D_w finds the biggest hit from the prior game. At least, he’s supposed to be doing that. We don’t pay him to just sit around. In fact, we don’t pay him at all…
And apparently he’s angry now, because we got nothing from him this week. Instead enjoy this Simpsons gif.
“See you in hell, candy boys!!”
BE BETTER! of the Week
This is a new feature that will likely show up each week. We’ve used this phrase plenty in conversations outside of the NEZ. Basically, telling someone to BE BETTER is calling them out on being lazy or ignorant at something they’re supposed to do.
Ok, so this may not be a BE BETTER, but living near Notre Dame fans is incredibly annoying. This is an actual quote I heard this week:
“An undefeated Notre Dame team should be in the title game based on history alone. No one has the history we do, and that should count for the title game.”
The idiocy of this statement makes me hate a very large portion of the college football watching population.
This Week in F You ESPN
“Hey, we’re in Blacksburg. Let’s show everyone how pumped up the players get for the entrance. It’s one of the best in football!”
…misses actual entrance.
Stick to talking about the backup quarterback of a 3-6 NFL team.
Avid Reader Comment of the Week
With all the hate that goes on around this site, we’d like to talk about something that we love: Reader Comments.
Why do we love them? For many reasons:
1. We know that people other than our parents are reading.
2. We don’t have to come up with funny content on our own (always a bad idea)
3. The comments are usually funnier than anything we could think up.
This week, illinoishokie puts the coaching staff situation perfectly:
It is absofuckinglutely regoddamdiculous that it took the above video going viral for the staff to act on this. You’re going to tell me they didn’t see/notice this when they broke film on their own time? But it takes a public outcry before they do anything about it.
The tree is rotten from the inside out.
That’s a lot of creative cussing there, IH. My hat is didily-f*cking-ly off to you… I’m not good at this.
A few days ago, B-Dubs posted a very accurate summation of one Marcus Davis (here).
Apparently, some people did not agree with our super scientific assessment that Davis, was in fact, the littlest bitch.
Via Twitter, we received a lovely message saying something to the effect of “Marcus Davis is better than you at everything.”
Well, that’s a bit of a stretch, don’t you think? Everything?
So in response, we came up with a short list of things we absolutely KNOW we are better at than Marcus Davis:
Super Mario Bros. 3
Quoting Hot Rod
Trying at things
Presenting to senior managers
Anyways, you should really check out the post, if only for HokieUmp summing up so perfectly why we are allowed to hate on this guy as much as we like.
Hokie E-Card of the Week
Each week, the Carnegie Mellon Football Analyst submits his own Hokie..something. This week, he gives us his weekend plans:
Gratuitous Tommy Boy Quote of the Week
Ray Zalinsky: Went a little heavy on the pine tree perfume there, kid?
Tommy: Sir, it’s an taxicab air freshener.
Ray Zalinsky: Good, you’ve pinpointed it. Step two is washing it out.
Replacement Voldemort of the Week
D_w recommended that we need two replacements this week. One for Voldemort and one for O’Voldemort Jr.
So let’s do it.
The only guys able to hate on more things than us here at the NEZ…
Statler and Waldorf
“The offense got the ball back. Kind of reminds me of Aspen.”
“Because it’s all downhill from here!”
LET’S GO HOKIES!!