Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, can we SERIOUSLY have a sports team that isn’t completely frustrating to watch? Honestly, it’s one thing after another, no matter what sports we’re talking about. In case you didn’t know, we lost to Kansas State on Sunday, but we were winning at the half only to get COMPLETELY dominated in the second half. Coincidence? We think not. It happened against Clemson, so undoubtedly it had to happen to the hoops team. Tonight, we play Rhode Island. Woohoo! Click to read more (and do it NOW, dammit!).
A familiar reaction from Seth…this will be very common this season
First and foremost, how do you think Seth felt when the football team was selected to play in the Sugar Bowl? Seriously, how many of you think he threw a basketball at his TV and cursed to the sports gods of the world? We can see it now: “DAMMIT!! HOW CAN YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?? MY HOOPS TEAM HAS BEEN ON THE BUBBLE AND SNUBBED FROM COUNTLESS NCAA TOURNAMENTS WHILE FRANK’S FOOTBALL TEAM THAT CHOKED AGAINST CLEMSON WAS INVITED TO THE SUGAR BOWL?!?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE F*CKING KIDDING ME!!!”
Well, at least that’s how we see it
Second, let’s just say that the initial analysis of this team was right. It’s time to go on record and say that those who thought we would have a decent season were just wrong. We won’t go naming names, but you know who you are. We WANT this team to do well, but it was pretty obvious that it was going to be a tough season. Right now, the only players who want to do anything worthwhile are Erick Green and Robert Brown.
Disclaimer: If we get better, we’ll take back what we said
So last week we made a comparison between the men’s basketball team and the team from The Hoosiers. While that still holds true because every Hokie fan will root for them to do well, it’s looking more likely that we won’t win that many games. Perhaps if we start wearing Chucks…but anyway, it’s time to keep the expectations in check. It’s become pretty apparent that we have no offensive identity. Erick Green has become the new Malcom Delaney in the sense that all we do is pass the ball along the perimeter then hope Green gets an open look and if he doesn’t, he’s probably just going to shoot anyway. Seriously. LEARN SOME OFFENSE. Look, we even found a play we can run for tonight’s game!
See? Drawing random lines like this might be a better offense than what we have
In all seriousness, our offense is pretty anemic. This isn’t to knock the team at all (well, maybe a little bit), but it’s flat out frustrating to watch them play offense most of the time. If Green or Brown aren’t shooting well, then this team is an absolute mess. Davila can’t hold onto the ball, Hudson is tripping over himself, Finney Smith is going through freshman growing pains, and Eddie is high as a kite and in the words of Towlie has “no idea what’s going on.” So, where does that leave us? Ah yes, our new shining star: Mr. Will Smith! The man could do it all for the Bel-Air Academy. C’mon, he only averaged a triple-double on that pee-wee basketball court! Let’s GET WILL THE BALL!
“Ah you know, I only had a mere 32 points, a miniscule 15 rebounds, an insignificant 13 assists.”
Da Rhode Island Rams have a pitiful 1-7 record with their lone win coming against powerhouse Hofstra. What does this mean? Well, it means the Hokies have a great chance to lose even though they shouldn’t, which would give them another bad loss to stick on the ole’ resume. Sadly, this is a game we can lose because Rhode Island is capable of putting points on the board having hit the 80 point barrier in half of their games this season. Bad news bears for the Hokies since we can’t match that type of scoring intensity. You almost have to laugh at the situation because c’mon, it’s Hokie basketball and you wouldn’t expect anything else.
This sums it up nicely
Not all is lost, however, because their coach looks like Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World. Yes, who can forget the lovable Mr. Feeny that was such an important figure in most of our childhood lives? So, while you watch the game, you might find yourself craving a little Boy Meets World after it…or perhaps during it, who knows.
“I say this with upmost sensitivity. Take this test or die.”
So, do you avid blog followers really want to know about this team? Well, all you need to know is that nobody significant on their team is a beast inside. Or at least that’s what the stats are saying. So, perhaps we won’t get absolutely dominated in the paint like we have most every other game. The other piece of good news is that these guys turn the ball over a lot. That at least will cancel out how many times a game we turn the ball over. They have a guard on their team who is averaging 18 points and 6 rebounds a game (yes, that rebounding stat isn’t a lie), so he’s probably pretty good. Ah, Corso it, we really don’t know much of anything about this team. So instead, here is a picture of their mascot:
Yes, his name is Rhody
Wow, how clever. His name is Rhody, you know Rhode Island…Rhody. Yeah, we figured that you got it. OK, so the mascot is a ram, no big deal. But to name him RHODY?! C’mon, MAAAAAAAAAAN! At least get a little more creative. Something. Anything. At some point, we’ve got to question who got paid to come up with this crap. Plus, his horns look awful – it’s like his head is taking a dump all over his face. Ugh. How’s that for our opponent? Good enough for you?
Alright, so how are we getting pumped up for this game you might ask? Simple. THE HONEY BADGER. Because you know what? It just doesn’t give a shit.