Hokie Hoops vs Minnesota Preview

OK hoopters, it’s time for another rambling rant, rave, or whatever else you’d like to call it about the Virginia Tech men’s basketball program.  Tonight we play Minnesota in the ACC vs Big 10 challenge.  We start with an old school picture of Deron Washington.  Yeah, he has a jheri curl thing going on and damn does it look goooooood.  Click to read on.




So, the ACC has been getting owned in this challenge thus far (4-2).  One of those wins came from UVA over Michigan (sigh, even WE can’t root for them in this situation) and Clemson over Iowa.  Last night, Duke got absolutely manhandled by Ohio State.  Basically, Ohio State treated Duke like a new outfit: wore them out and then had the nerve to take ’em back to the store for a refund.  Yeah, it was that ugly.  So here’s to you, Duke, for not only losing, but also having awful fans.



Oh, so back to what we were originally talking about!  Yeah, it’s pretty easy to get lost in trashing Duke and we could probably dedicate this entire blog to it, but we’ll save that for another day.  Onward!  We play the Minnesota Gophers tonight.  It’s a pretty damn important game considering our success on the NCAA tournament bubble in years past.  We enter this game at 5-1 with the only loss at Syracuse.  Speaking of which, DougHed007, we lost the game by 11, but we did play them a bit closer than what was originally thought.  So, you were right about that.  However, Doe Doe (Dorian Finney Smith) was kinda awful in that game.  So, there will be no acknowledgement of genius nor a public apology here.  


The Good Guys

Well, it looks like we have a pretty solid basketball team.  They kind of remind me of the kids from the movie Hoosiers, you know, that unheralded team from the 1950s that really didn’t get a lot of attention, but yet somehow won their state championship?  It’s like this: you really want the Hokies to do well and they are going to try hard, but in the end, they won’t be hoisting a championship trophy.  Can you see the resemblance at all?  Just take a look!  It’s so clearly there!  Well, except Gene Hackman has hair and Seth does not.  Duh.


See? Greenberg, Green, Doe Doe, Davila, Eddie

But seriously, Erick Green is the shizz.  He just gets it done.  He is quick, drives to the hoop, and can knock down the jumpers.  He’s definitely the best player on our team right now.  But whenever Tyrone Garland comes into the game to relieve him at point guard, our offense is a complete mess.  For those of you that watched, how many times did you cringe when he took a shot?  Honestly, can anyone now say that my analysis of him was wrong?  The same goes with Victor Davila.  Yes, he did pretty well in our last game, but seriously, it was against St. Bonaventure.  At this point, we need to start feeding minutes to other big men because Davila has the worst hands on the team and quite frankly, it seems like he will travel every time he touches the ball.  Seriously, W.T.F.?


On the other hand, Dorian Finney Smith has been quite the asset.  He’s like Penny from Inspector Gadget.  Doing everything to help the team win only to have recognition go to someone else because he isn’t the best at everything.  However, as a freshman, he is truly doing some great things and as the season continues, he should definitely get better and better. 


That watch was so awesome.  It did everything for her.

Truth be told, most everyone on this team is doing something right.  The only issue is we are often lazy on defense, give up way too many offensive rebounds, and we STILL can’t make free throws (sans Green and Dorenzo Hudson)!  Seriously, why is it every year we can’t make free throws?  Are we not working on that at practice?  Is it just something Greenberg doesn’t emphasize?  Are we just THAT bad at them?  Here, this is a diagram we’re sure will help!


See how easy it is?


The Gophers

Yes, that’s right.  We are playing the Gophers.  And not just any Gophers, but the GOLDEN GOPHERS!  Hm. Again, where are these mascots coming from?  It’s just terrible to think that schools have such ridiculous things representing them.  Plus, look at him – wouldn’t it be much more intimidating if he had blood streaming from his mouth and a twisted smirk on his face?  This is just too adorable.  Adorable DOESN’T INTIMIDATE!!


But hey, at least he’s got some big teeth to, um, to um…yeah, no idea


The Gophers are 6-1, so it would seem like they might be pretty decent, right?  Ehhh maybe not.  They’ve beaten teams like South Dakota State, Fairfield, Indiana State and Mount Saint Marys.  Not exactly what we would call intimidating.  Plus they just lost their best player Trevor Mbakwe.  Probably a good thing for the Hokies because he was straight beasting before he got hurt.  So in all honesty, we should win this game by 10+.  Then again, this is Hokie basketball we’re talking about here where just like football, we play down to our opponent’s level.  But it is a Big 10 basketball team, so expect them to try and keep this game in the 50s.  If it gets any higher, then the Hokies are going to steamroll.

Oh, did you know Tubby Smith was their coach?  Yeah, for whatever reason, it escaped me as well.  Man, did he really drop off the face of the earth when he finished up at Kentucky.  He actually looks like the dude who was the ethics professor in Saved by the Bell College Years – ringing any bells there?  See, take a look:



So there you have it.  We should win this game.  If we don’t it will be a bad loss on our resume.  If we do win, then it probably won’t matter much because somehow, we’ll end up on the bubble again.  Anyway, how are we getting up for this game?  Well, this is how!