HateFest 2010: Central Michigan University

Yes, I know this is of UGA, but it’s the only picture I could find.  Back off.

Central Michigan University?  Really?  Alright, let’s get this over with.

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Central Michigan University is somehow on our schedule.  Now I don’t like to think that I’m really better than anyone, or that my team will win every game, but let me say this:  We are heads and shoulders better than Central Michigan and we will not lose to them.  If we somehow unfathomably lose to Central Mich…you know what, I’m calling them CMU.  Screw CGally and his “real CMU”.  He can go choke on a terrible towel.  OK, if we lose to CMU, I don’t even know what I would do.  But it would be bad.  You can bet on that. 

That’s not the point of this post though.  Let’s move onto why I hate CMU:

1.  They made me acknowledge their existence;
2.  I am forced to write this post because they insisted on playing losing to us;
3.  They have made me do actual research for a post;
4.  They are wasting my and your precious time, not once, but twice.  Today and on October 9th. 

Let’s not kid ourselves though.  CMU has been good in the past. CMU has won a National Championship.  That’s something we haven’t done in football.  But they have.  Their football team has once been called National Champions.  However, to be fair, it was in 1974 and it was the Division II Championship.  The reigning champion for the DII Championship is Northwest Missouri State who defeated Grand Valley State.  Oh and the game is played in the bustling city of FLORENCE, ALABAMA.  You’ve got to be kidding me. 

/Slams head on desk

Alright, where were we?  Still with the CMU thing, huh?

Anyways, I hate CMU mainly because they’re a pain in the ass.  You know how long I’ve been trying to find information on our previous historical record with CMU?  Too damn long.  Couldn’t find anything.  It’s not worth it.  Here’s some history for you:  We’ve beaten them every time we’ve played them.  They have yet to score a touchdown against us.  Nay, a point against us.  We have never scored less than 30 points against them.  Ever.  How about that for some history? 

So on October 9th when they come to town, they’re going to play the game like they could win, but they can’t.  But the problem with this is that since they are going to be playing hard, we need to play just as hard and get them out of the game as fast as possible.  Because if the game goes on too long, there is a chance that some crazy overzealous Chippewa (yep, that’s their name) is going to be the dickhead hero and take out RMFW’s knee or Big Daddy’s ankle (yeah I’m going to try this one out, see if it sticks).  And that would not be good. 

So this is really a HateFest post to all the cupcakes out there:  Don’t be the dick who ruins an actual good team’s chance at the season by going hard after a team’s players just to seem tough and badass.  You’re a cupcake.  You were only scheduled because you are a cupcake.  Your AD asked our AD to put us on the schedule to make you money.  Not to win.  You aren’t App State.  We, thankfully, are not Michigan.  It isn’t going to happen.  Take your lashings and deal with it.  Don’t try to reverse the immortal words of Mark Mangino, “The cupcakes served their purpose”.  Don’t make me bring out some real hate after the game if one of our guys gets hurt.  I’m warning you.

Oh, and Little People, Big World sucks.

roloff_amy_at_cmu

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