| 08 April 2010
Two in one day! This has to be some sort of record for us.
Vote for the Moxon region here. We'll try to provide a little more insight to these matchups. After the jump...
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#1 Independence Day - President Whitmore: Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in this history of mankind. Mankind -- that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps its fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution -- but from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live, to exist. And should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive!" Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!
#16 Van Wilder - Van Wilder: Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.
If Obama came out on the campaign trail and just repeated this speech over and over, I'd vote for him. Since he didn't, he's a socialist that's taking my guns.
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#8 Vacation Movies - Ellen: What are you looking at? Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer... [Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toilet] Eddie: Shitter was full. Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey?
#9 Role Models - Danny: Pick us up in two hours. Ronnie: F*ck you, Miss Daisy.
Difficult movies to narrow down, but we feel the right decisions were made in the end. Good luck trying to decide.
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#4 Airplane! - Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it? Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious. Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.
#13 Glengary Glenross - Shelley Levene: The leads are weak. Blake: "The leads are weak." The f*cking leads are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business fifteen years... Dave Moss: What's your name? Blake: F*ck you. That's my name. Blake: You know why, mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW. *That's* my name.
Though a personal favorite of your humble editor, Glengary Glenross gets a lower seed simply because most people haven't seen or heard of it. The movie is 95 minutes long with 120 f-bombs. Seriously. Go rent it.
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#5 Super Troopers - Farva: Gimme a litre o' cola. Dimpus Burger Guy: What? Farva: A litre o' cola. Thorny: Just order a large, Farva. Farva: I don't want a large Farva. I want a goddamn litre o' cola. Dimpus Burger Guy: I don't know what that is. Farva: Litre is French for give me some fucking cola before I break your fucking lips!
#12 Hot Rod - Rod Kimble: All great men have mustaches! Frank Powell: Yeah, but real men actually grow them! Rod Kimble: You know I have a hormone disorder!
As with the previous low seed, Hot Rod is another personal favorite. In fact, calling it the most underrated movie in history wouldn't be much of a stretch. Rent the movie, buy some beer, watch it, then come here and thank me. But it's still tough to go against Farva.
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#3 40 Year Old Virgin - Cal: You're gay, now? David: No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate. Cal: I think... I mean, that sounds gay. I just want you to know this is, like, the first conversation of, like, three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like, there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh, you know, I'm kinda gonna want to get back out there, but I think I like guys," and then there's the big, "Oh, I'm... I'm... I'm a gay guy now." David: You're gay for saying that. Cal: I'm gay for saying that? David: You know how I know you're gay? Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay? David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts. Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more. David: You know how I know you're gay? Cal: How? Cause you're gay? And you can tell who other gay people are? David: You know how I know you're gay? Cal: How? David: You like Coldplay.
#14 Half Baked - Scarface: F*ck you, f*ck you, f*ck you, you're cool, and f*ck you, I'm out!
Not the easiest of match-ups for a 3 seed, but sometimes you run up against an Ohio.
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#6 Forgetting Sarah Marshall - Brian: Look. Liz and I, we think the world of Sarah. We think she's great. But, and I'm just being honest here, every time she would come over to our house, she always acted, you know, like a... like a little bitch. Okay, okay, okay, pump the brakes. Peter Bretter: Dating Sarah is not like dating Liz, okay? Sarah is better than Liz! Brian: You really want to have this conversation? Do you really want to have this conversation? Peter Bretter: …Yes. Brian: [screaming] She is the mother of my unborn child! Peter Bretter: [meekly] Sorry. Brian: You're my step-brother! We're not even blood! I have no qualms with sticking you! I will equalize you!
#11 Monty Python - Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.
So, so many choices with FSM. But Bill Hader getting pissed is just amazing. Oh, and we're not big fans of Monty Python. Shocker, we know.
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#7 Hangover - Alan Garner: Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. Ha. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!
#10 Kindergarten Cop - Detective John Kimble: I have a headache. Lowell: It might be a tumor. Detective John Kimble: It's not a tumor!
This could have also just been the Speech Region. All this voting is giving me a tumor.
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#2 Billy Madison - Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
#15 American Pie - Steve Stifler: It's time for me to boom-boom with the bridesmaids, Finch-f*cker. 'Cause I'm gonna hang out with my wang out, and rock out with my cock out.
I mean... zero doubt right?
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Good luck to all participants.
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