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Weekend Recap

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Alright, so The Miz was getting bitchy and wants us to update, and since CGally is a lazy POS, I guess I’ll have to do it.  Since I don’t have the time or urge to go find an original topic, I’ll just go over what happened this weekend.

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1.  In case you all didn’t know, our humble editor had a berfday this weekend.  I think he turned 87 yesterday.  I don’t know.  He’s old.  But if some of us didn’t happen to say happy birthday yesterday, then let this be the time for us to repent and say “Happy Birthday, you day-walking whore”.

2.  Maryland played Duke.  Wait wait, let me rephrase that.  Maryland had a game against Duke.  I’m not sure much playing by the Terps actually happened.  In case you were wondering about this one, the Terps lost TO DUKE.  Duke finally has gotten consecutive ACC conference wins for the first time since 1994.  Looks like Friedgen is going to be losing more than 150 pounds this year, if you know what I mean.  You don’t?  He’s getting his ass fired.  There you go, simpleton.

3. UVA is fucking worthless.  They can’t even get double digits against Georgia Tech, let alone beat them.  Last time we root for them for anything.  Go choke on your ties, Wa-Losers.  Ba-ZING!

4.  The Yankees beat the Angels to get to the World Series.  I hope the Phillies sweep their clean-shaven, non-run manufacturing, overpaid asses.

5.  It’s really difficult to pick out the worst team in the NFL this year.  I mean you have the winless Bucs, the winless Rams, the winless Titans, the pathetic Raiders and their constant shitshow, and of course, the Redskins.  They are awful.  I mean awful.  One funny joke that we found on The Miz’s site is this one:

HEADLINE: “D.C. Police are cracking down on speeders. For the first offense, they give you two Redskins tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they give you two Nationals tickets.”

But this one is good too:

Q. What’s the difference between the Redskins and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

I laughed for a solid five minutes with that one.  And the best part?  They don’t seem to be figuring out their problems anytime soon.

6.  Miami lost to Clemson in OT.  It was AWESOME.  Breaking News:  There has been a murder in Miami.  Swagger has been killed.  I repeat, Swagger has been killed.  The police suspect that a Tiger and a Turkey were accomplices.

So there you have it.  CGally is old as shit and we probably won’t make it to the ACC Championship this year.  But also! Miami lost and Maryland still sucks, so it wasn’t that bad of a weekend.  I leave you with a picture that sums up the UVA game this weekend, enjoy.

(Foxsports.com)

Weekend Recap

Well, this little column is looking like it might start being a regular feature here on the NEZ. Let’s get started:

1. We lost. Again. Though this time it was against FSU at their stadium so it wasn’t as heartbreaking as the previous two. Oh, but then it effectively killed our chances of getting into the NCAA tournament, so it was as heartbreaking.

2. A-Rod has elected to have surgery on his hip, putting him on the bench for 6-9 weeks. Some say that this is a secret suspension from the Commissioner’s office seeing as how Clemens and Giambi both got “injuries” right after they were found to have done steroids that lasted approximately the time of a steroids suspension. Also as evidence is that Bonds is one of the most prolific hitters in history and no one signed him last year. Call it what you want, but some say it might be a secret suspension along the lines of MJ in the 90s.

3. The US and Canada played a really good game on saturday, and I’m not being sarcastic about that. I was on the edge of my seat for a first-round WBC baseball game. The US ultimately won 6-5, but they may face off against Canada again to win the Pool outright, in hopefully another thriller. The US also beat Venezuela yesterday, but that was a blowout, 15-6. The US will play the winner of the Canada-Venezuela game for a chance to win the pool outright, even though the US is already advancing to Round 2.

4. Lovable Terrell Owens has signed with the Buffalo Bills. I think this was probably a good move for both teams. If he works out then good for them, they’ll still suck. If he doesn’t work out, then who the hell cares about a football team in Buffalo? It’s not like anyone is going to care if TO calls out, shit, I don’t even remember his name. The QB for the Bills. Who is it? I know this. Joe…Joe something… Trent Edwards. That’s it. No one cares if TO calls him out because that would be the most publicity that guy ever had.

5. The Red Sox locked up pitching ace Jon Lester for five years, $30 mill. That’s just awesome. Dustin Pedroia and Jon lester on long-term contracts for under $75 million combined. That may be the best two bargains in baseball today.

6. David Beckham has agreed to rejoi….ahhh no one cares about soccer.

7. UNC beat Duke in a thriller of sorts last night. While it’s not great that UNC won, because they always do, it’s great to see Duke lose. And don’t think they didn’t try to win. They cheated. They had the calls. They just still suck bad enough to lose anyways.

8. The Iditarod started this weekend. I don’t see the point in running a dog-sled team 1,100 miles from Anchorage, AK to Nome, AK. But then again, I don’t like my balls freezing off. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

That’s all I got. Hope you had a nice weekend, and that you changed your clocks, because if not, then you’re an hour late today, and probably in trouble.

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