HateFest 2009: Why we hate… Tennessee

Rocky Top is an overrated song. End of argument.

The Team:

The Vols last won a Championship (the first BCS title game) in 1998, and since then have been a moderate contender. They have lost all three SEC Championship games they went to since 1998, and remarkably, in 2007, they broke the school record by allowing the most 40+ point games by an opponent with three. Their nickname is the Volunteers, which harkens back to the time the South lost the Civil War, and yet still hasn’t realized it.

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The Town:

Knoxville has perennially been ranked as one of the best college party towns. I’ve been to Knoxville, and maybe it’s me, but I’ve seen better. The only saving grace for K-ville is that Pigeon Forge is pretty close. I’ve also heard Dollywood is a huge UT spring break destination. Plus, Knoxvillians don’t understand sarcasm.

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The Fans and Students and Alumni:

So the girls are hot, I have to give that to them. Which kinda sucks because, well, it makes this argument that much harder. But the whole “Go Vols” cheer, when you have a few shots of Jack in you and a southern accent makes each one of them sound like a ruh-tard. Also, Tennessee has some uncanny way of attracting non-alumni as fans and making them “rabid” followers. I had this one roommate who was from Rochester, went to Tech, and had no other connection to UT save our other roommate (who he had a man-crush on) was from Nashville (not Knoxville) and he basically gutted me when I said anything bad about Phil Fulmer. Go figure. To say their fans are terrible would be a lie, but they are some of the more annoying people to listen to, so we can take that to the bank.

Plus Peyton Manning can suck a fat one. Stop whoring yourself out to sponsorships. You sound like a dumbass whenever you open your mouth.

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Other:

So this is where the unabashed hate comes out. Lane Kiffin hasn’t even coached a game in a Tennessee uniform (figuratively) and yet he thinks his shit don’t stink and has already caused problems within the SEC. It says something when you force people to wonder if in fact Al Davis was actually the sane one in that relationship. Plus his wife is hot and does he really deserve that? No. He doesn’t.

Pat Summit is the women’s basketball coach and is now the winningest coach in the history of women’s basketball. This may not mean much to most of you, but coming from CT and growing up with UConn basketball, Pat Summit is a frigid evil bitch. One time, in an act of absolute un-sportsmanship (which is what I thought women’s sports were all about) she dressed her child up in a UConn t-shirt with a big “X” drawn over the logo. Not a Vols tshirt to support her own team, mind you. It just shows that the woman is a bitch. And she scares me.

Bruce Pearl is a dirty old man. I can respect him for this.

If you’re going to make your end zone all fancy and checkerboarded like you do, at least make it go to the edges rather than have a big checkerboard rectangle in the middle. It looks like you ran out of paint. And it looks stupid.

You know everyone makes fun of Hokies because they don’t know if it’s a special bird, a turkey, a castrated turkey, blah blah blah, but what the hell does a friggin’ dog have to do with being a volunteer. At least we stick to our nickname when we formulate a mascot, and not just go and make a new one up. I’m also talking to you Alabama.

Finally, their shade of orange is ugly. Get a good one like burnt orange. That’s a real man color.

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