After what seems like months of waiting, the day has finally arrived. Tomorrow, we will officially be allowed to get drunk in suits while wearing pointy hats.
Also, Tech plays Tennessee in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.
Welcome to Atlanta, where the Hokies play… like ev-er-y month or so.
Non-Metallica Pump-up Song of the Week
By now, you’ve surely read article after article breaking down the game. Most of them go as follows: Tennessee sucks, Virginia Tech rocks.
While this is largely true, we must admit that we know very little about the Vols. Since they are in the SEC, we assume they play very boring football and have probably had a call or two go against them when they played Alabama and Florida.
Being from the SEC also means something else, which brings us to the…
Rant of the Week
Men waving pom-poms
Please get this straight: REAL MEN DO NOT WAVE POM-POMS.
It angers me that this even needs to be addressed. First off, they are called “pom-poms.” Is there any less masculine name for anything anywhere?
Secondly, just look at them! At least a towel is in one piece. These things are frayed and lacey.
Hell, TO used them in a touchdown celebration… AS A JOKE. He had to steal them from a cheerleader, because that’s who pom-poms were invented for. Yet even the male cheerleaders don’t use them!
And you know exactly the kind of guys I’m talking about…
Just because you embrace the Southern Swoop haircut doesn’t mean you’re allowed to prance around in the stands, waving your pom-pom on a stick. At least thunderstix had a purpose.
By waving a pom-pom at any point during the game, male Volunteer fans are giving you permission to punch them in the face. We don’t make the rules.
Secondary Rant of the Week
Get on Hulu. Watch all episodes of The League. Come back to The NEZ. Thank me.
Random Layla Kiffin Picture
The Bad Guys
As we mentioned, we don’t really know jack about Tennessee, and we drank too much over Christmas break to find any real information.
They are from the SEC, which means they belong to the GREATEST CONFERENCE TO EVER GRACE GOD’S GREEN EARTH.
Yes, it is the best football conference out there right now, but let’s not pretend that it’s so head and shoulders above all others. Anyone watch that ‘Bama/Utah game last year? The SEC is more overrated than the Dave Matthews’ Band.
As far as this team goes, if you missed our discussion with Darrell over at SECRivals, here’s his take on the offense:
In games this year that everyone expected the Vols to line up and play smash mouth football, the Vols have lined up and thrown the ball all over the yard. In order to get the ground game going against Va Tech, look for UT to attempt to establish the passing game first. If Crompton gets rattled by the defense, the Vols are in for a long night. Ultimately, Tennessee must be able to run the ball to win the game, but they have to be able to throw it first.
“If Crompton gets rattled by the defense, the Vols are in for a long night.” BOOM. There it is. Blitz the piss out of them, Foster. Kill their faces.
On the other side of the ball, Eric Berry is “an absolute terror.” Like a Cody Grimm dressed in creamsicle*. So look for our offensive linemen to completely forget to pick him up.
*Except he’s not Cody Grimm. Because no one can be Cody Grimm. Except for Cody Grimm.
There’s not too much we can say here. We’ve been over Cody Grimm’s awesomeness. RMFW needs no introduction. I think we’re pretty well set.
Hopefully those crazy Voldemort-to-Richmond rumors don’t disrupt the offenses’ game plan. If that game plan is anything other than run the ball we’re going to start lighting orphanages on fire.
From Chris K.
This game, well, it’s pretty freaking huge. We took a nice step forward by finally winning a BCS game last year. Great teams win big bowl games, and this is a pretty damn big bowl game.
We’ll go ahead and say it: most of us would not be excited about a victory tomorrow. Relieved would likely be a better description.
A win over the SEC, two big bowl wins in a row, FINALLY getting out of Atlanta alive, and some nice bragging rights over our Knoxville neighbors would all be wonderful. But with Tech coming in favored, we find it hard to believe we’d be rioting in the streets after a victory.
This whole idea makes us pretty nervous. Tennessee comes in with nothing to lose, and they’ve played pretty good football this year. We have a lot to prove in this game, and we’re expected to make it happen. Not exactly Beamer’s strongest attribute.
Now, please let me clarify: the previous few paragraphs refer to the how the game will be viewed if you are sober. Not only is this never the case, but it’s also New Year’s Eve. So excitement will abound, nervousness will be washed away, and we’ll imagine that the fate of the world hangs in the balance of the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.
So will you get that kiss at midnight? Well, as the old reverend would say, “Why you are on that particular mission, we’ll never know. But I do know, here today, that the Hokies will emerge victorious once again.”
Replacement Offensive Coordinator of the Week
You may think that the Independence Day reference above means that we’re going with our old friend and standby hero, Capt. Steven Hiller. But you’d be wrong.
You see, we need some new blood in here. This is our third trip to Atlanta, and we can’t have any mistakes.
We need a man that must live mistake free. One slip-up, and he’s done for…
He’s in the ass-kickin’ business… And business is good.
LET’S GO HOKIES!!!